Embarrassing As Hell

Embarrasing As Hell

DP #0004

Dear Period,

When the new hot guy at the gym is next to me on the treadmill, you feel even worse.  Like a double throb.  F-you Period

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Good for you honey for making it to the gym upon my nasty arrival.  Keep up the good work, and I'll see you next month.

Ha,

Period


 

DP #0013

Dear Period,

Please stop showing up in the middle of the night and the middle of my bed.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

First of all, nice bedding set.  Second of all, last night was my friendly reminder it's time to wash your sheets.

Your welcome,

Period


 

DP#0024

Dear Period,

I understand guys being uncomfortable talking about you but I don't get why some women are. I totally silenced an entire table of women at a pottery painting party when I made a joke about you. I know I'm funny so it must have been about you. Why is that? You're not "Fight Club". We CAN talk about you.

Anonymous

Dear Pottery Painter,

I know I can silence a room, even of women.  Frankly, I'm tired of it. I should be celebrated and marveled. I want a voice at the proverbial table. 
A change is brewing (and not that change girlfriend), trust me.

Period


 

DP# 0031

Dear Period,

So there I was getting a tattoo by a super hot guy, which I mistakenly scheduled on the heaviest day of you, period.  I have to take a break every hour to change my tampon.  At break number 2, hot tattoo guy uses the bathroom before me, I walk in after him to find you, period, on the toilet seat. Remnants of break number 1. I spend the next three hours with hot guy finishing my tattoo - mortified. You suck.

N. P. A.

Dear N. P. A.,

He leaves his mark, I leave mine.

Period


 

DP#0032

Dear Period,

Well, here we are again, a full 18 days later. Look, I know my va-jay-jay is magical but early arrival guests are simply rude.

Sincerely Peri-Menopausal

Dear Peri-Menopausal,

Pink’s Let’s Get the Party Started seems to be an appropriate theme song these days, don’t ya think?  No coincidence that Pink is a lighter shade of RED.

Get this party started
Get this party started right now
Get this party started
Get this party started
Get this party started right now …

Period


 

DP#0046

Dear Period,

I always saw you as a reminder of my womanhood and beauty, but that doesn't mean you're not a complete pain in my ass. And stop making my boobs grow!!!! It makes running to the fridge a lot harder.

Much love,
SL

Dear SL,

Oh stop, you're making me blush ... ok keep going, I'm liking this. I want to hear more about my good qualities.

What a relief you understand me, well mostly. I may be a pain in the ass sometimes, it's sort of like your best friend, who, let's be honest, can even be an occasional pain in the ass. You know I'm right. And just like a best friend, I'm here, time and time again.

Look, I'm sort of doing you a favor with the bigger boobs. A gentle reminder that maybe that trip to the fridge isn't necessary. Just sayin'.

Your trusted friend.
Period


 

DP#0049

Dear Period,

Please keep in mind that clean white bedsheets in a spanish hotel are ment to stay clean and white. Also try not to do so much of the 'showing up at random times' thing. That day at the pool was not fun.

Anonymous

Dear Pool Time,

I'm not sure why you think you get to have all the fun? I like traveling and being pool side. But you never ask about what I like. I'm taking initiative and inviting myself to the party. Please don't try to plan around me, really it will only lead to embarrassment.

Don't forget the sunblock!

Love,
Period


 

DP#0051

Dear Period,
What I want to know is do you have to make a big stain on my pants in the the middle of dinner with my boss???? I was surrounded by my dad, boss, his daughter, and my mum!!!

Like why just why??!!

Working girl,

Alright that may have been a bit much. All that talk about work though, seriously how boring! I was just trying to spice up the evening. It was memorable, right? Makes for a great story, may be not something to share at your next job interview, but with your girlfriends for sure.

Love you're spicy friend,
Period


 

DP#0056

Dear Period,

You arrived today. Simultaneously embarrassing me in English class, giving me excruciating backache and ruining my new underwear that I literally bought yesterday. But I still kind of like you. You let me know that I'm not pregnant but I still don't see why you can't just text me and be like 'hi you're not preggers, talk to you next month!' Or something like that. I'm still spending money on you as well, although I don't really have a choice, it's either buy you your pads or let you bleed into my skirt... please, just text me next month

Phoebe

Oh Phoebe,

You should know by now that I’m old fashioned. I prefer the natural method of communicating. It makes it exciting, don’t you think? It takes weeks before you know if you’re preggars or not ... all that time waiting in anticipation, thoughts consumed by nervous energy, asking yourself was that a period symptoms, no wait, or a pregnancy symptom? It’s fun, right?

I am sorry about the underwear, my bad.

Your trusted friend,
Period


 

DP#0063

Dear Period,

I was at one of my clubs and forget to change my tampon, therefore you decided that you just cry your little heart out. Which caused me to leak all over my undies and almost to my shorts.

You're such a pain.

Anonymous

Oh Clubbin’,

I felt like you forgot about me. I was feeling neglected and needed your attention.  And anyway it was only your undies, I gave you a break. 

I’d rather avoid us getting to one of those most embarrassing moments ever situations.  So just remember I’m visiting when you’re out having fun, because I can’t promise a similar break the next time you forget about me.  Just sayin’.

Your friend,

Period


 

DP#0070

Dear Period,

I've hated every day of this week so much. I wasn't able to practice my dance because it was so bad. Just why are you like this? BTW, I still remember the time where I was in class and my stomach started hurting so bad. Then I looked down and saw the blood party through my pants. The only good thing was that I had a sweater to cover it up until it started to get little bits of blood on it.

Sincerely,

Idk

Dear Idk,

Maybe I’m a bit much sometimes, but you’ll get used to me one day. Its sort of like when you start hanging out with someone new and at first it can be weird? Well I’m still in that weird stage of getting used to you. Testing out the (red) waters so to speak.

We’re going to be friends for a long time, why rush? Slow and steady girl....

Btw, I like to dance too

Period


 

DP#0090

Dear period,
You suck. I try to be nice and except you, after all you are a part of life. But all you do in return is make school worse, give me back pain and headaches, you even try to embarrass me in front of everyone. You make me lazy and hungry. I wish you would go away.

Anonymous

Dear Lazy and Hungry,

Yes, yes I do suck...suck the life out of you once a month, bhwrararara. Only kidding. In reality, we together can be quite the duo if you so choose. Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. A mild oversight on the headaches and back pain, but it can be difficult to make my way around each month. I promise to be cognizant of that approach from here on out. A little hint, as exercise, raspberry tea and eating healthy clean foods will help with the lazy and hungry feeling you so badly want to blame on me . Oh and plenty of water helps me battle that desire to give you back paid and headaches.

On that whole embarrassing thing you mentioned...oh puleez honey...that's not me embarrassing you...that's your friends envy. Trust me.

Until next month, Ta-Ta,
Period