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Author: Dear Period

Finally An Understanding…

Finally An Understanding…

DP#0112

Dear Period,

I would appreciate it if you decided to stick to a schedule instead of randomly coming and going like you please. I buy you very expensive pads and tampons to keep you happy and from causing too much havoc so at least you could do something for me for a change!

However, I must thank you for being light and not too painful. You've never really caused me a huge amount of pain and I thank you for that as I would have been very annoyed if you decided to pain me. You're also pretty consistently light which means I don't have to worry too much.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous

Soooo, what I'm taking away from this conversation is that you don't think I'm that bad after all? Surely you've heard about your friends' periods and how challenging they can be? I'd say you've got it good. Do you think it's a coincidence that you buy me nice stuff and I don't arrive like a crimson tidal wave? Mmmhmmm, I should think not.

Now about my arrival, nobody is perfect. I'm coordinating a lot of things on my end and sometimes things don't align. Things which can be influenced by you, I may add. So we don't get frustrated with one another and because I like what we have going (okay really I like the expensive stuff you buy me), why don't you grab an app that lets you log info from the entire month, like how much you're sleeping, what you're eating, etc.... I think this will help you get more in sync with me. And I do enough work already, so this is on you.

Keep buying me nice things.

Your friend,
Period


 

DP#0116

Dear Period,

I guess I'm one of the lucky girls that whenever you come around I don't get any cramps. I never have to worry about you never coming, but I do appreciate it when you don't come on some months.

Anonymous

Dear Lucky,

Periods get a bum rap sometimes, don’t you think? I mean look at me, I’m the generous and thoughtful type ... can you say no cramps?

I do like to mix it up once in a while. So just to be clear, occasionally I may throw in some cramps or tears over silly things. Don’t sweat that, okay? That’s just me wanting attention.

Your friend,
Period


 

DP#0117

Dear My Period,

The fact that I don't know when you come gets me mad but I appreciate that you help me know that I'm coming an adult and that I'm prepared to experience the adult life and even tho you give me a day to feel pain knowing that your here I don't appreciate that you don't ask for my permission but thank you for making me an adult and making me mature

Anonymous

Dear New Womanhood,

Welcome sister, so glad you made it! Yes, I can be a touch unpredictable, and for that action I truly apologize. We are new in this relationship and will spend some time getting to know each other over the months and years.

There will be a time of newness, a time of normalcy, and then a time of craziness. All of which should never be taken personally, should always be comfortable to chat about with friends and physicians, as this thing called Period is not taboo!

Always here for you,
Period


 

DP#0123

Dear Period,

All I can say is that I’ve changed my opinion on you. I used to hate you but part of me thinks why should I?! It is annoying that you’re here but only because I get really bad cramps and PMS! Have any tips for dealing with them?? I’m also too scared to tell my boyfriend because I’m quite young- I’m 12. And I’m not sure what he will think but he must get a bit curious if I’m ill every month at about the same time. Please give advice for a young girl dealing with her period.
Thanks for spoiling my new Calvin kleins this morning!
Anonymous xxx

Dear Anonymous,

Well I'm glad we've got the not hating me part figured out. Now ways for dealing with my arrival, hmmm you're in luck because I'm feeling all the love between us. It's quite simple really -exercising, limiting caffeine, and getting enough sleep can help. Did you know that during exercise your body releases endorphins, which act as natural painkillers? I heard that a few drops of basil, rosemary, and marjoram essential oil mixed with aloe vera and rubbed into the belly slowly, can help too. As for PMS, well it's PMS.

Whoa, I'm not one to give advice about boys, periods are my thing. Hopefully you have a solid older female in your life that you can talk with? And definitely talk your girl friends about all things period.

Sorry about the jeans.

Period


DP#0126

Dear Period,

I feel bad for treating you so horribly lately.  I have talked about you as a burden not a healthy part of becoming a woman. I am sorry for not realizing how great you are.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Now that’s what I’m talking about sister. Thank you.

Your loyal companion,
Period


 

DP#0128

Dear Period,

Even though you give me camps that make me feel like someone is stabbing me in my uterus, thank you for not being as bad as some others. We have a long journey ahead of us and I know you’ll be there whenever I need you the least

Sincerely,

JT

Dear JT,

Why thank you for understanding me! Hugs to you honey.

I know I can be a tad impolite, have poor timing, bring on pain amongst many other “emotions” but hey, I like to be heard. Your first challenge is succumbing to the fact that you need to understand me. Next challenge? Learn how to work me over to work my best for you. A few tips...this includes nutrition, exercise and you time.

Smooches,
Period


 

DP#0141

Dear Period,

Thanks for not hurting me all that much. But f&*k you ever since the day I got you because honestly, you've ruined so many good clothes.

Anonymous

Dear Fashionista,

Truly darling I’ve been doing you a favor ruining some of your clothes. If I can’t be honest with you, who can?

You’re welcome,
Period


 

DP#0144

Dear Period,

You kinda suck sometimes but for the most part your convenient. I really don’t need you to tell me I’m not pregnant like I know but thanks for not making me cramp too bad and not always showing up at the most inconvenient times

Eh- Your not so Bad

Dear Not so Bad,

I’m glad to hear that you think for the most part I’m convenient. But let’s get this straight, I’m more than a pregnancy test. Jeez. I’m an intricately designed cycle, a poetic process if you will, gracefully dancing to a song of rejuvenation.

While I’m happy I suck “only sometimes” I’d really appreciate more recognition for everything I do for you. I can be patient because I want your unwavering respect. But don’t make me wait too long, I can get crabby. And a crabby period is, well as you can imagine, quite terrifying.

Love,

Period


 

DP#0147

Dear Period,

First of all, Thank you. Thank you because although you make me tired, achey, have breakouts and often have accidents in such awkward places, you show me how strong I am.

You teach me to give myself that extra bit of self care, you make me so aware of my delicate yet so strong body. You teach me to sit down and read a book, to let myself heal, to put a face mask on, do my hair nice for work. Because you make me realize that I can do anything I want while bleeding!

And at the end of the day I'm not dying, I may feel like it and my hormones may make me cry and get angry but that fiery passion of emotions makes me realize just how purely human I am.

My body has the power to hold and grow a whole human life and that is beautiful.
I am not perfect and I never will be. But the struggle I face with my period allows me to understand and work with my body. So Period, Thank you for dealing with all my rages and sad moments I love and hate you.

Anonymous

Dear Empowered,

I think I love you! I'm validated and proud.

Always,
Period


 

DP#0152

Dear Period,

F U, I am well aware how very important you are for my body's reproduction and hormones. I, however, would truly appreciate you keeping that sh***y attitude and cramps to yourself. Since I have been 14 you have come monthly making me debilitated for a day sometimes two. I heard having kids makes you friendlier hahaha joke was on me, you just got more angry and forceful. Why cant we just be friends?

Sincerely,

One Moody Female

Dear Moody,

I’m willing to work on our friendship if you are. What’s a little power struggle anyway, now that you’ve recognized who’s boss (me!), I’m willing to play nice(r).

Let’s start by making sure you’re doing right by me: eating well, exercising, and getting sleep. I’m more diplomatic when nurtured. Once you get that all lined up, let the negotiations (aka friendship building) begin.

Deal?

Your friend,
Period


 

Ohhh Healthy Va-Jay-Jay

Ohhh Healthy Va-Jay-Jay

DP#0055

Dear period,
I just want to apologize for being so unhealthy. I got you this month and I was so happy about it because I felt like a woman again, you were really heavy and you stained almost every bed sheet but I'm still grateful. Please forgive me for being so unhealthy that you take 3 months to come.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Girl we need to talk. I'd love to see you more often. like monthly. I'm good for you and frankly when my arrival is delayed over and over again, I become a bit depressed. I can tolerate being late a day here or there, but not months! I'm starting to take this personally. But before I go down that path, I think you should have a women's health exam to rule out things like hormonal imbalances or fibroids or polyps, for that matter. I don't want to be mad at you if there is something not working just right. Now, if it's just because you aren't taking care of yourself from day to day - then get with the game girlfriend! We only have a limited amount of time together. Let's make the most of it.

Your concerned friend,
Period


 

DP#0058

Dear Period,
Is it bad that I like to see you sometimes. I just always feel joy when you come because for some reason I feel like a lady.

Anonymous

Dear Lady,

No, it's fantastic! I want you to feel that way. That's how it should be.

Your friend,
Period


 

DP#0067

Dear Period,

So I’m spotting this month. I know you don’t come often because of my medical problems, but please just come this month!

Anonymous

Oh Spotting,

I’m trying, promise. It’s hard when our relationship is complicated by medical problems ... you know I want to visit monthly. We should take it slow and steady, because once I start visiting consistently you may realize that you don’t like me all that much?

Your loyal friend,
Period


 

DP#0074

Dear Period,

I pretty sure by now you know I hate you. You make me feel bad & smell bad. You make me sad, you make me crave attention & want to be loved. You make me throw up & make my stomach hurt.
Honestly you disgust me.

Yours Truly,
Semz

Semz,

Hate … really? I don’t think you mean it. And if you think you do, here’s a little dose of reality - I’m not going anywhere for a while.
Perhaps my arrival is a bit intense. I can try to tone that down, but what’s in it for me? If you think we can be partners in this, I'm open for suggestions.

Period


 

DP#0076

Dear period,

I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve your pain but I would gladly appreciate it if you could stop doing that? Thanks.
Oh, and could you also not go so crazy at night so I have to change my sheets every day.
Other than that I’m okay with you. You’re a super good excuse for not having sex, eating chocolate and binge watching Netflix without anyone judging you 🙂

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

What can I say, all relationships have their ups and downs? The downs, so they include some discomfort and the occasional stained sheet … but the ups are pretty sweet, oh and how I love to lounge and binge on the Netflix. Have I ever told you how much I like you?
Your friend,
Period


 

DP#0077

Dear Period,

Why do you constantly hurt? You don’t accept Motrin, or ANY pain meds. They only thing you respond to is heat! I can’t keep myself in a bed for a week with a heating pad. Why do you hate me?!

P.S. You’re making me fat from all this chocolate I think I need.

Anonymous

Dear Bedridden,

Oh sweetie, your perception is not my intention, trust me. Perhaps put yourself in my shoes, if I wore them, and see my actions toward you as pure love. Love is challenging, and honey I simply heart you. Attempting to calm my roar with medicine may not be what is best for you and I. Maybe try a more natural approach with teas, exercise and meditation to connect better with me. Oh and that chocolate that you are telling yourself you need...skip it, sugar only makes me crazy.

Looking forward to seeing you next month schnookems,
Period


 

DP#0081

Dear Period,

I hate you! But I love you! Some months you're amazing because you're light and easy and pain-free but most of the time your heavy then regular the light which I don't mind but then you give me the worst headaches and worst of all the CRAMPS!! The cramps I hate!! I wish you could be regular! I'd love it if you could be regular. If you could be every 28 days, you could give me as many cramps as you'd like. But I love the fact that you give us the opportunity to reproduce.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I must say, hate is a strong word honey. As is amazing...thank you. I do sincerely apologize for the light to heavy, back and forth attitude. And I do apologize for the cramps, but just like when you are working out the muscles that you are responsible for, a little cramping tends to perk up every now and then. I'm working over your uterus shuga, and will continue to do so until the day we part. Your request for me to be regular is duly noted, but did you ever strive to be regular? No, no you do not. Let's keep things spicy.

Smooch,
Period


 

DP#0082

Dear Period,

I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t be so painful, sometimes I can hardly move. I will say that I am grateful when you randomly come early and also when you aren’t around for fun holidays.

Emma

Dear Fun Lover,

Take that pain you are feeling, and move honey. That movement will help you in more ways than one. Perhaps view my "pain" as a touchy feely sign that you should go for a walk or run. We are in this together for quite some time, so be sure to exercise me properly.

I like a good holiday just like the next bloody girl. Looking forward to the upcoming.

Love,
Period


 

DP#0085

Dear Period,

Why do you cause me all these problems? PMS, ruined underwear and sheets and expensive sanitary products. It's bad enough having to deal with dealing the gynecologist recently and now I have to deal with you.

At least I am single now so I don't have to deal with you turning up at the wrong time.

From Hannah in the UK

Dear Newly Single,

Am I really to blame for all of those problems? No, that would not be my bloody opinion. We are in this for a life-long relationship, and ensuring that we nurture each other is a key ingredient love.

Going to the gynecologist is like getting the oil changed in your auto...it simply must happen. Keep up that maintenance, especially for when you are no longer single, wink wink.

Oh, and I do apologize for any spilled milk incidents with my arrival.

Cramps and hugs,
Period


 

DP#0089

Dear Period Hiya,

I am glad you came along a week after my 13th birthday because I know everything is normal and is working like it should. I try to support you as much as I can by using Cloth Pads and Menstrual Cups. I love the fact that you are what makes us able to reproduce as it's a wonderful thing. I Love You Sometimes!

However, I'm not happy about the fact that you aren't regular as I'm now coming up to 16 in 20 days and you're still irregular. Please can we sort that out, I'd love you forever if you were every 28 days? I also don't like the fact that even when you're not here I still receive Bad Cramps and Bad Migraines. If you could ease of them that would be much appreciated. This is only because in a PE lesson I had the worst Migraine so I had to sit out. Also, in PE I had the worst Cramps. Luckily, my PE teacher understands as she had this when she was younger (She's 24!)

Anyway .... Till next time ....

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dear Cramping and Migraine Sufferer,

I knew this day may come when we would need to discuss my outbursts. Yes, I am a leading cause of migraine headaches during menstruation, which is not something that makes me proud. We all have room for improvement, and I am no different.

A few ways to make me more regular and a few suggestions on nutrition to avoid during menstruation may help alleviate some of your migraines. When seeking to keep me regular, the birth control pill is a fantastic format to keep me on those 28 day cycles. And may assist somewhat with cramping, but we'll get to that later. For migraines, please please avoid chocolate, bananas, yeast products (bread, bagels, pizza) and most importantly alcohol when you are starting to begin a new Period. Be sure to hydrate with the best hydrating beverage of them all: water.

Okay, those cramps I provide...well let me scream out that it is incredibly hard to be dormant for days on end and then have this expectation that is is party time when the uterus goes into high gear! I promise to work on my cramping...

Thank you as always for keeping me on my toes.

And yes, I'll see you next month,
Period


 

DP#0092

Dear Period,

I honestly can like you at times when you're being considerate and wait to show up until after vacation and big events. What I didn't like though was when you used to be very very very irregular and gave me pregnancy scares (even though I've never even had a boyfriend) and made me think I was getting it but I didn't. Now that you come regularly I really appreciate it but I don't really like when my lower body aches when I'm working. You used to be very heavy and made me scared to sleep at my friends houses but now I can be more relaxed except for when I think you're gone and your not and I bleed through at school 😬 You smell pretty bad too and make me go through a lot of tampons. I'm always scared to tell people when you're around and I don't think that's a healthy relationship to have. Thanks for showing me that I'm a woman but no thanks for the pain and embarrassment you've caused me.

Anonymous

Dear Honest,

Okay, I admit it, the heavy flows are not very kind. Same for the irregularity. Let's face it...we are not perfect, including you darling. Oh and the bleeding through at school...c'mon now, every gal just wants a piece of the limelight every now and then...cut me some slack.

With your heavy at times flows, ever consider a menstrual cup? Might be worth the try and review. And in the end, a cup is clearly more sustainable method over tampons, and has been known to take on heavier flows.

Hint...for those body aches, be sure to exercise on the days prior to my arrival and day one no matter how achy you feel. Also, maybe try a Period tracking app? They're wonderful.

Much love,
Period


 

DP#0095

Dear Period,

I was afraid that you wouldn't show up this month. I started to listen to every pain and twinge in my body over the past week, hoping it was just you getting ready to show up. I was convinced that you weren't going to visit this month. That you would turn into something that I really don't want to deal with again. I really miss you when you don't turn up.

I lay in bed last night, slowly awoken by the familiar cramps in my back and abdomen. "No...it couldn't be... there's no way that's you? Please, please, please, for the love of fuck that better be you down there..." I put my hands between my legs and even in the darkness I can see that my fingers returned darker. "You're here!" My shoulders feel like jelly, the tension melts away. You beautiful dark merlot! My darling, I was so excited to see you. I really miss you when you don't turn up.

You're a demanding visitor, especially when you arrive unannounced. You're just like me, you've gotten more demanding as the years have gone by. I am going to shower you with affection tonight. We're going to eat the sweet Belgian chocolate and catch up with our partner-in-crime, the hot water bottle. I love you, and I really miss you when you don't stop by.

As always,
R

Dear Fellow Red Wine Lover,

Fear: the motion that puts your legs in motion honey. Apologies for taking my time this month. Oh, and cut out the frightful head games darling...they are a ineffective use of your time.

Speaking of wine, I might be more like a nice Malbec don't you think...plump, dark with a smoky finish. With that liking to be a little dark and smoky, a disappearing act every now and then is my signal to you that I needed some "me" time. You may call it demanding, I call it righteous.

See you sometime next month schnookems,
Period


 

DP#0096

Dear Period,

The beginning : Oh the pain, the hard work, the hiding.  Later on: sorrow when seeing NOT pregnant.  Later happy : Pregnant! Once more happy again : pregnant with twins, double the sorrow when they die too soon.

And April this year, bought and used my first Organicup , fell in love with it at once, cant live without it now <3 <3 the Best invention ever !!!!! Why oh why didn't I try this before !!!!

Anonymous

Dear Menstrual Cup Lover,

Welcome to the sustainable party shuga, so happy to have you join! A menstrual cup, such as Organicup, is such a wonderful option. Love it!

Yes yes, we do have our ups and downs and quite the range of emotions together on this roller coaster called menstruation. I'm not here to be a bore, and I do like my ego stroked...that took years of therapy to harness. Let's be honest...between the pain and cramps, the lame dormant time frames, the potential pregnancies, the unfortunate miscarriages, and the bloody messes, I do simply love you. None of my actions are to be taken personally.

And don't think for a minute that I'm done yet...

Much love,
Period


 

DP#0100

Dear Period,

You came around when I was 15, you didn’t sneak up on me. Instead you caused pain in my pelvis and the next day decided you were ready to make your debut. I was embarrassed at first but was happy to take that first step into woman hood together. Over the years you have taken several vacations and hotel uterus has grown 5 amazing and beautiful children that have brightened my life considerably. There were times tho, when you broke my heart. When I didn’t expect to see you and you showed up. I knew by the sight of your red drip that a life inside of me had just ended and that you would be taking it out with you. It just wasn’t meant to be. You quietly and gently cleansed my body and time went on, you flowed and so did my tears. The reset button had been hit and everything inside restored to begin again. But period? Thank you. Thank you for doing what Mother Nature intended and for being there when something wasn’t right. Right now I know your away on vacation as hotel uterus is now occupied, so please don’t return early. Have a nice vacation.

Mom-to-be....

Dear Mom-To-Be,

Well, flutter, flutter, you get me!

Yes, I can bring incredible joy and incredible sadness all in a whirlwind of time. I can provide intense pain and tears, but bring new life too. It is quite honestly a struggle to just be me...always trying to do the "right thing" which is not easily accomplished for any bloody soul.

I’m over the moon that you, mom-to-be, are at peace with the mixed bag of emotions that I bring to womanhood. With your insightfulness what do you say I take our later years easy on you? Deal?

Smooch!
Period


 

DP#0105

Dear Period,

I really appreciate you being right on time every month. I'm sorry for all the things I put you through with all the crazy diets I've tried over the years. I hated not knowing when or if you were going to show up each month and somehow blamed you for my inconsistencies. But now I'm listening to my body, and by extension - you, and I've noticed things haven't been as hectic for either of us. I hope this is the start of something new and healthy and beautiful.

Yours,
Anonymous

Dear Brilliant,

You do love me, don't you? I'm thrilled beyond comprehension that we are finally there, as soul mates. That's all that this bloody friend wanted, was for you to listen.

A little pre-apology, as things might veer off the regularity as we grow old together. So a tip for those future years of "us"...nurture me, love me, listen to me, and we will have the best relationship.

Love,
Period


 

DP#0108

Dear Period,

I know I’ve been stressed and that has been screwing you up. I don’t mind the breaks though.

Remember when I was ten stories high, and the only way to get down was the staircase, and you brilliantly planned to make me immobile. I couldn’t walk, and still struggled to make it down the steps.

It hurts and I love you so, it’s a battle that some may never face. Please leave me be at the times in which I am lowest, please.

Anonymous

Dear Stairmaster,

Blaming the pain of ten story jaunts on me, are we? Bold move honey, bold. I would be blaming the building superintendent for not having a "menstruation elevator" for cryin' out loud.

Anyhow, onto better topics...your stress. Listen darling, my intentions are to never bring or add to your stress. I'm that lovely monthly reminder that you are a woman which means not only the best ability to handle stress, but also, the best ability take those low moments and turn them into high ones. Some advice for days one through five of your cycle: replenish your iron, eat some greens like spinach, broccoli or asparagus, and add some turmeric with ginger in a hot tea which helps with inflammation.

Smooch
Period


 

DP#0109

Dear Period,

You always seem to come up at the most irregular times. I just feel so unclean when I have you. I feel like I can’t be hygienic because I’m always bleeding. And the tampons can barely stop you. I’m not sure what to do anymore..

Anonymous

Dear Miss Clean,

So I'm a touch untidy, give me a bloody break!

If that not so hygienic feel gets you down, try a menstrual cup. The benefits may greatly outweigh those more traditional of a tampon or pad. Not to mention the added cost and sustainable benefits! Let's face it, I'm not going away anytime soon, so you may as well find a way to ensure we get along...you dig?

Love,
Period


 

DP#0133

Dear My Period
Hi I know I haven't seen you in over a year now because due to anorexia I fu*&ed my body I would do anything to have you back now I was proud when I lost you but now I would kill to have you back to be quite honest I would do anything to have you back I want my normal life and to be healthy and I need you for that
Hopefully see you soon
Gracie

My Dear Gracie,

I want to see you again too. I miss visiting you. Please focus on your health and when your body is ready for me to come back, we will both have something to celebrate. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you are not alone. If you haven’t, please find a nurturing - and qualified - person to help with your anorexia.

And I promise I’ll try to be gentle when I see you again Deal?!?

Your friend,
Period


 

Travels

Travels

DP #0033

Dear Period,

In the year 2000 I was a young college student studying abroad in Kathmandu, Nepal. It was my first time overseas and I was highly sensitive to the culture and traditions of my host country. Prior to embarking on this journey, I learned of Nepal's garbage crisis - with plastic bags and bottles littering the cities and the high Himalayas - so I packed my suitcase with OB tampons to avoid the extra waste from plastic applicators (Note: this was before I discovered the joy of the Diva Cup). Once in Nepal, I quickly learned that menstruation is a taboo topic for people who live within the traditional caste system. Women, who truly are the workers in all countries all over the world (holla), must stay out of the kitchen during their cycle. I imagined that it was a nice break from the endless labor of preparing meals and making tea, despite the insinuation that women are "dirty" and would contaminate the family's food during their periods. Because we were Americans, we were not expected to adhere to this custom. Nevertheless, menstruation in an underdeveloped nation comes with challenges. For one, tampons and toilet paper could not be disposed of in the traditional squat toilets. So how were we to dispose of these taboo items? My roommate and I struggled through a conversation with our Nepalese host mom in our stilted Nepali. She indicated that we should keep them in a plastic bag and when our cycles were finished, we should toss the bag. Toss the bag? But, where? Where else but at the local "dump," a.k.a. an empty lot that we passed by on our way to school each day. When I was blessed (insert sarcasm here) with my first period while living in Kathmandu, I collected my used tampons in a black plastic bag all week. At week's end, I tied the bag and carried it with me as I walked to school, mortified that everyone knew the contents of my parcel and were horribly offended by my natural proclivity to bleed. When I came upon the vacant lot littered high with garbage, I tossed my bag and scurried off. On the way home from school, my roommate and I discovered the local cows grazing amongst the garbage. Cows, animals revered in the Hindu religion, were eating garbage. These sacred beasts were possibly munching on my crimson cotton rockets. It was a horrifying clash of culture, religion, and hygiene, which repeated every month for the semester I lived there.

Why must you torture women and appall men all across the globe?

Dear World Traveler,

Just like the cow is sacred in many cultures, so am I.  I'm offended that you feel I torture women (not worried about the men).  Yes, I occasionally make you moo-dy and eat like you have four chambers in your stomach, trying to satisy each.  But torture?  No, if you want to put the boxing gloves on my dear, we can spar, but I'll always win. 

Respectfully,

Period


 

DP#0099

Dear Period,

Why oh why do you always come on new years eve ?!?!

Anonymous

Dear NYE,

Well hello darling, hope you're ready for me next month. You see, I too like to ring in the new year with all of your loved ones within an earshot. Speaking of rings, how does this sound...take me somewhere unforgettable, and I may take a year off next go 'round?

Be sure to pack extra next month as New Year's Eve gatheries can get heavy at times. Wink wink.

Love,
Period


 

DP#0102

Dear Period,
While I am on you and at school, I am not enjoying your presence in my life. Trips to matron, cramps in class, making me snap at people. When you came, I just came back from a holiday, and now holidays are like your anniversary, where you always end up coming with me. It's not a good feeling, lying on the beach feeling like a dead thing while your friends wade in the ocean. But, I guess that is your anniversary, your birthday, and I guess I just gotta accept that that's the way it is. I feel like as we get older we will get to know each other more, predict your visits, maybe learn to love you... But for now, I need a hot water bottle and a paracetamol, maybe a lie in...

Anonymous

Dear Holiday,

Yes, I too enjoy holiday and travel and beaches and oh the waves bring me remarkable joy. Thank you for taking me with you love. Very true, as we age together, we will become even closer. Let's face it...every relationship has struggles, and the strong survive. I'm strong-willed and tend to beat to my own maraca. You will love me, trust me.

Oh, and do try to fit in a little backpacking on our adventures....
Smooch,
Period


 

DP#0131

Dear Period,

I hate you...throwback to that time you came while I was on a plane to Turkey? WTF who does that? And you’re lucky I had a liner with me which was barely enough to last an hour and I had 3 hours left, because I honestly could have tried to break my own uterus in the plane toilets...I’m not joking. So anyway I just think you should go away?

Bye,

Anonymous

Dear Traveler,

Ever hear of the mile high club? No, not that club ... I’m talking about the other one, when you get your period while flying? If I remember correctly, international flights give you elite status. I’m not sure how you missed that?

It wasn’t easy timing my arrival perfectly to get you into that club you know. And what do I get from you “I just think you should go away.”, ouch. How about some love?

Period


 

DP#0137

Dear Period,

What were you thinking starting when I was on a 2 year journey to London with nothing and no confidence to tell anyone ??!!

Anonymous

Dear Trainee,

Honestly I wasn’t trying to mess with your confidence. Quite the opposite, I was hoping to spark your confidence. Trust me, nothing can unite women like a period. There’s a deep understanding, a female bond that you share even with strangers.

Since my arrival didn’t work out so well, here’s a little tip to make it up to you, always carry an emergency pad or tampon because you never know when a stranger will need your help.

Love,
Period


 

DP#0153

Dear Period,
Why oh why do you decide to unexpectedly visit while I'm in transit between meetings?
There is absolutely nothing I can do sitting in the car on the freeway.
Grrrrr

Dear Commuter,

You know how I like to keep things spicy. The element of surprise is one of my favorite tactics and frankly one of my greatest strengths.
I should always be on your mind and you should be well prepared for me. It actually hurts my feelings that you don’t have an emergency tampon or cup handy, as if I’m an afterthought... I won’t allow you to treat me that way. Consider this ample warning.
Period


 

Ohhh Period…

Ohhh Period…

DP# 0001

Dear Period,

We've known each other quite some time now.  Let's be honest, I'm done.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Are you quitting?  Not so fast my dear.  I will continue to mess with you for a few more years, just for fun.  Bwhahahaha

Love,

Period


 

DP# 0002

Dear Period,

Never have I really grown fond.  And please do not rear your big ugly head while I'm on vacation.

A. H.

Dear A. H.,

We are co-dependent.  And like any true co-dependent relationship, I'm going to rear my ugly head at the worst possible time.

Hugs and Cramps,

Period


 

DP #0005

Dear Period,

Your lack of keeping "time" is atrocious.

Hate you, Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Keeping time is for sissies and control freaks.

Enjoy,

Period


 

DP #0007

Dear Period,

Thank you for making me the woman I am today.  I hate you.  I appreciate the bigger boobs.  Eat that sandwich!

T. A.

Dear T.A.,

You are oh so welcome for the bigger boobs shuga.  Here to help monthly until the day I die.

Ha, ha, ha

Period


 

DP #0009

Dear Period,

Never again shall I be fooled into drinking RED wine in hopes that such action will help with the cramps you provided.  You suck!

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Cramps are just hugs from me indicating how much I adore you.

Much love

Period


 

DP #0019

Dear Period,

Was it really necessary to visit my while I have food poisoning?  I mean...aren't the fever, and chills, and diarrhea enough?  Did you think a reminder of my fertility would cheer me up?  Really?

Sincerely,

Food Poisoning Recover Victim

Dear Food Poisoning Recovery Victim,

While I'm sorry to hear of your food poisoning experience, I must remind you that I prevail over most of your bodily conditions.  I will not be forgotten or worse, underestimated in a time of duress.  I'm an attention fiend and proud of it.

Cuddles and cramps,

Period


 

DP#0021

Dear Period,

I did the math. I could build a small school for girls in Africa for the amount of money I spend in a month on tampons and pads. If you're willing to let me skip a month I'll contact Oprah. I know someone who knows someone who knows her.
Sincerely,

MV

Dear MV,

I invest in you, you invest in me.  It's a symbolic relationship.  And not one that you need to get other people involved in, especially Oprah.  I recall some sort of scandal with her school…I'm pretty sure you don't want to rehash that my friend.  So there you have it, don't mistreat me, it isn't worth it. 

Keep investing,

Love Period


 

DP#0022

Dear Period,

My extremely patient husband doesn't understand how after 34 years and 408 periods I'm still caught off guard, frustrated and confused by you. How do I explain to him your twisted &amp;/£#$% mind?

Help in Phoenix

Dear Help in Phoenix,

I like to keep things spicy.  One of my greatest strengths is the element of surprise - even though you shouldn't be surprised.  Admit it, once you realize why you're feeling off, frustrated, there's a sense of sisterhood with me?  You get a wave of familiarity that can't be explained.  You will miss me one day.  Until then, celebrate me. 

Your closest friend,

Period


 

DP#0023

Dear Period,

Why do you play favorites? My sister has a scratch every month and I have a crime scene. I hate you.

Sister Envy

Dear Sister Envy,

I don't play favorites.  You should know this by now.  You should also thank me, I make you stand apart from your sister.  Something most siblings dream of.  In fact I think you're lucky. 

Your welcome, 

Period


 

DP#0035

Dear Period,

Why do you drop for days on end after you should be gone. Just to ruin every pair of undeis I have?!

Anonymous

Dear Drip,

You've got it all wrong. This was my subtle way of telling you that you need new underwear (and have for a while). I'm actually doing you a favor my friend. Now you have the excuse, trust me, otherwise you would have felt a little frivolous.

Remember we're a team. I've got your back, so to speak.

Welcome, 
Period


 

DP#0036

Dear Period,

Day 12...really? Is there any chance this might be overkill? My husband asked me to let you know that he has needs. Does that even matter to you? Me neither.

Bring it,

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

We all have needs my dear. I'm not sure if you forgot, but mine come first. And right now I'm feeling a little needy. If this mood continues you may be seeing me more frequently. I haven't decided just yet.

Please warn your husband so he can mentally prepare. You may want to remind him that you and I have been together a long time. And right now I'm still steering this ship. So hands off the wheel hubby, it's mine.

Ahoy,
Period


 

DP#0047

Dear Period,

Why are you so irregular you leave me on edge every month! When you come you make it feel like I'm being stabbed in the back and stomach and then come the heaviest you possibly can! Why don't you just come when your supposed to are you playing games with me?

GRRR

Oh Irregular,

I like to keep you on your toes. Where's the fun in every 28 days ... BORING. I like spontaneity and when I arrive, I want it to be known. No subtle spotting my dear. I'm passionate and thrive off attention. Sometimes in life you just need to accept the situation and go with the flow.

With love,

Period


 

DP#0048

Hey, Period!

So you aren't here right now, but you will be soon, and you're already making everything ~down there~ a little smelly. Please stop. It makes me feel gross.

Thank you, see you in a week

Madd

Dear Madd,

Girl we need to talk. I know you think it's me, but I'm a cleaner (like Leon Montana in The Professional, if you catch my drift). People like to blame me for everything and I'm tired of it. I like to make my presence known, but not in that way. Seriously something is off, so stop looking at me as the culprit and get that checked out!

Love,

Leon (aka Period)


 

DP#0052

Dear Period,

When you showed up in my life at 12, I couldn't be prouder. I felt like a "real woman". Well, I changed my mind about two days later because you are quite a pain in the ass. But still, we had quite a reasonably okay time together for years. You kicked my uterus a few times and bled all over my nice panties but I still appreciated you. But recently, I felt like you and I have fallen apart. I don't get it ! You're giving me such a hard time that I'm kinda angry at you. Why are you giving me all these back pains, stomach pains, nausea, hot flashes, mood swings, digestive problems (yeah, sorry not sexy but we NEED to talk about that).. ?? Not cool, girl.

PS : you'll have to excuse my approximate English, it's not my first language.

Your ex-friend

Real Woman,

You should know that I’m not one for complacency. We got too comfortable so I had to make some changes. Maybe I’m coming on a bit strong, but I got your attention, didn’t I? And I like attention. Okay I’ll give you a little hint, there are a few things you do to minimize my impacts; exercise, limit caffeine intake … the standard stuff. Word on the street is that a few drops of basil, rosemary, and marjoram essential oil mixed with aloe vera and rubbed into the belly slowly can help. I don’t want to hear you ask “What have you done for me lately?”, deal?
We’re in this for the long haul. Don’t assume that it will always be smooth sailing. Change is natural, a good thing. It keeps you on your toes.
Love,
Period


 

DP#0053

Dear Period,

My period hates me. She ruins my best underwear, she ruins my sheets, she makes my back hurt. Dear Period, why do you hate me?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

No, no, no, You've got it all wrong. I don't hate you. I just want you to know that I'm here. Well, truth be told, I like to remind you of our pecking order so you don't get too big for your period britches. Lets be honest I am the powerful one.

Speaking of pants, sometimes those panties I ruin need to be ruined - just saying.

Your friend until menopause,
Period


 

DP#0054

Dear Dear Period..
First of all I'm so happy that I finally got to talk to you ,well I don't know why I love you even if you are the worst ! Maybe because you make me feel like I'm a female but sweetheart you make me suffer for real , you are the worst thing ever but I love you , lately you've been a little nicer to me , please keep it this way , and if you wanna visit , make sure to not come the mornings because I hate it , I prefer the evenings . And ONE more thing, you can play with my hormones as much as you want they're all yours but please don't play with appetite.
Love you ,

Nouha

Dearest Nouha,

I'm blushing! Your sweet sentiment just made my month. I'm glad we're in this together for the long haul until menopause.

I know I can be disruptive, but I dance to the beat of my own drum. No promises on your asks, I'll entertain them. The problem is that I like to arrive early so you can plan your day around me, it makes me feel special. I also like to throw in the occasional curve ball, perhaps cramps and back pain one month but not the next just to keep it exciting, since long term relationships can get stale. And the appetite thing, well that's non-negotiable. I like to indulge.

I know loving me can hurt, but in the big picture of things were not talking about that many days each year. I say we have a pretty good thing going here.

Your loving friend,

Period


 

DP#0057

Dear Period,

Why do you always want to come at the worst time? At soccer tryouts, vacations, at the beach....why? I don’t hate you but I just wish you would be more considerate about my life.

Yours sincerely,
Me

Dear Me,

SPOILER ALERT - I want to be part of the fun and excitement. I like to kick back on the beach just as much as you do. I get excited for soccer tryouts too. So I may be a little selfish at times, but I am not trying to be inconsiderate. I just having this uncanny knack for timing. It's one of my greatest strengths. I think it's sort of endearing - don't you? Just a little??

I'm always cheering for you on the sidelines Me.

Your friend,
Period


 

DP#0060

Dear Period,

You are beautifully red and I love you. But, you're painful. You make me lethargic at work.

Don't do this to me.

I love you

A body that menstruates

My Menstruating Friend,

I love you too. I know my love hurts at times, but I am rather obsessed with attention. I like to make my arrival and presence known, it keeps our relationship in balance, and I'm all about balance. Think of cramps and lethargy as our game of menstruation. An internal volley; sure you have cramps and you feel lethargic, but you still function, you still get up in the morning, you still work, therefore you are amazing and strong. One day I hope it boosts your I can do anything attitude.

I am beautiful, aren't I?

Period


 

DP#0061

Dear Period,

You took me by surprise the first time, but I guess that's your MO. It's been over 10 years since we've first encountered and every month I'm kind of glad to see you again. You never caused me too much pain but if you could leave the headaches you bring at home, that would be a blessing. I've started using cups to support you even better. Thank you period, for making me a woman. I hope there will be time when you go on vacation for a few months and I can get a baby in return. If you do, I'll gladly welcome you back and make sure there's extra chocolate lying around when you do!

X

Eline

Dearest Eline,

Your kind words warm my heart.  I love my visits and I love that you feel like a woman when I arrive.  I think we've had a good run so far, I say we keep it up.  I'm sure we can work out a deal, especially if you throw in those chocolates.  Keep taking care of yourself and in turn me.  

Oh, the headaches, I can't promise that I'll ease up on those.  It's the closest thing I have to wearing a tiara my friend.  And I do like a bit of the bling.

Your friend,

Period


 

DP#0068

Dear Period,

Fuck you.

Yours, Simi

Oh Simi,

Really? I thought we were friends? I get that you get frustrated with me, but c'mon. You don't want to make me mad, trust me. How about this, next time you say "fuck you" to me just a "but I still love you"? That's all it would take to keep me happy.

Your friend - like it or not,

Period


 

DP#0071

Dear Period,

I had gotten you on a Friday, wearing light wash jeans. My friend had seen you, but I didn’t. I didn’t notice you came till my mom spotted you bleeding through my pants. It was funny for me lol because I thought it was ketchup, and I was excited to get you.

And the rest of you ladies, don’t call your period gross. Respect your period. Your period gives you cramps and stuff, but don’t act like it’s a bad thing that you got it. I love my period, although it hurts VERY MUCH. Some women did not get their period, and they’re scared that they won’t become a mom. Please love and respect your period.

Anonymous

Girl - you are on point. And to those other ladies, there's no need to be salty, love and respect is where it's at.

I'm glad we're in this together,

Period


 

DP#0075

Dear Moon Time,

I’m so in love with you. It wasn’t always like that. When I first met you it was one of the most exciting moments in my life. I felt like I was blooming into my womanhood. Later on as the years passed I just learned to make you into an inconvenience, this was just patriarchy, it had taken a hold of me. But darling, now I so LOVE and appreciate the sweet red nectar of divine feminine lunar love that you truly are. You are what makes me a magical, wild, creative creature. You are what brings me inside my womb allowing me to rest amidst a world that tells me to never stop doing. You are my bridge to higher states of consciousness. Red the color of a warrior Goddess, that’s what you remind me that I am. Because I bleed and I don’t die. I am magic, a warriores of love and truth.

I love you.

Anonymous

Dear Warrior Goddess,

You understand me.

You value me.

You humble me.

There are no words that can truly express my joy over your sentiment.

Thank you,

Your Divine Feminine Lunar Love (aka Period)


 

DP#0078

Dear Period,

Why do you have to cramp so bad?!?

Anonymous

Dear Cramps,

Let me first send out the well known olive branch for the cramping sensation. And at the same time share that those cramps you are feeling are my way of working out your uterus and ensuring that the proper blood and oxygen are running a marathon. Next time my assertive cramps bother you, try some raspberry tea to help soothe my marathon jaunt. Oh just wait shuga, I'm a basket full of surprises constantly seeking my moment to shine like a diamond in the ruff.

Love you darling,

Period


 

DP#0080

Dear Period,

Hi I just wanted to say we should be proud of our period

Anonymous

Dear Lover of Me,

Your message truly makes me blush darling. Yes, we should be proud of our period. As well as embrace, nurture and more importantly respect.

Much love,
Period


 

DP#0083

Dear my friend Period...

Your my hardest hello but my favorite goodbye, I mean I should give you some credit for making me into a woman and helping me use excuses to eat extra chocolate and Ice cream!!! I thank you for letting me know I am not pregnant but I do not thank you for staining my expensive underwear though, altough I do hope that one day in the future you go for let’s say 9 months and when you arrive I’d of had a little bundle of joy all because you didn’t arrive 🙂 I just wanted to let you know that we don’t give you enough credit for making us women (p.s. please stop my cramps and headaches)

xx

Dear Favorite Player,

Yes, please do give credit when overdue love, you know I deserve it. This thing called "us" is a long haul filled with womanhood, cramps, pregnancy potential, headaches and more importantly anything you want it the relationship to contain.

Perhaps taking the approach of cherishing me minus the favoritism will bring us closer. Be warned, as I age, I tend to get a little nasty. Take care of me now to ease into that phase of "us".

Adoringly,
Period


 

DP#0091

Well hey,
First of all you should be happy I didn't write this yesterday 😐
Once upon a time, back when I didn't really know what you were I prayed for you almost every single night. Then on the 29th of October (not sure which year), I sat on the toilet seat looked down and low and behold it was you! I ran to my mother's room very excited all she did was point at her cupboard and mention I should pack an extra pair of pants (I don't blame her tho it was 6 a.m. ). From that day I made it my mission to learn about you the good, the bad, and the UGLY.
Our journey together started off realll smooth, that didn't last long tho; a year or so into our relationship you kind of became a pain. I mean how do you go from 3 painless days to 7 days a month plus side effects 🙃 I felt betrayed I had put so much work into building our "bond" only for you to come knocking at my door every single month, mad that I'm not pregnant...I mean really?
Your coming has brought out so much in me over the years, whether you believe it or not it's opened up a couple of opportunities for me. We've crossed so many bridges since my first "bad" period that now, (as long as it's not day 1) I receive you as a reminder of my womanhood and how proud of it I should be 🙂 I have had conversations about you and your fellow friends with males and females older and younger than me. I mean you and I have bonded over watermelon, hot water bottles and law series, no one else would do that with me. Also you hold some of my most embarrassing moments with you but I know that you can keep a secret. I am now confident in my being she thanks to you.
I've called you so many names some fitting others a tad bit off, but now I am proud to call you My Period.

I appreciate you,
Ciku

Dear Ciku,

You make my heart melt. Our bond is greater than any other bond you or I will ever endure. Like any co-dependent relationship (yes, I'm willing to admit my dependecy on you honey), there are many ups and downs. I'm sure the feeling is reciprocal...love and appreciate you.

Let's avoid sugar coating things, as we all know by now how bad sugar is for anyone. There will be more pain. There will be more embarassing moments. There will be headaches. There will be moments of complete humor to share with all species. There will also be happy and sad moments between the two of us. All of which requires a great understanding and bond.

Blood sisters forever,
Period


 

DP#0093

Dear Period,

I am glad I have you but since I’ve been on birth control you’ve been a horrible mess causing all these very pain cramps and going through supers in minutes , these headaches aren’t helping either and these mood swings girl you gotta get under control. I love you though you give me excuses to miss school eat plenty of my favorite junk foods and so on. You make me feel very feminine when I talk about you I am proud of you.

Anonymous

Dear Feminine,

Blush, you're welcome! But I must admit, I'm a tad concerned about headaches and mood swings given a pill to assist in regulating me. Please, please mention those symptoms to your physician as masking anything is always a poor policy in my mind.

Oh, and on the ditching school and eating junk food...careful honey. Pick those ditch days wisely, there will come a day when those are far and few between. Skip the junk food in my opinion, and cozy up to a mug of hot raspberry tea when I get moody or crampy. You may see a different side of me.

Smooch,
Period


 

DP#0094

Dear Period,

First of all, why do you like to come twice a month? It's bad enough I have to see you once, but twice? Not fair. Second of all, why is it that every time I do see you, you insist on making me feel like I have acid in my uterus? I thought we were friends.

Sincerely,
PG

Dear Number Two,

Once a month just isn't enough for me right now. Can't you see my adoration for you? True love honey, true love.

Now wait a second...acid in the uterus? You speak from experience...now you have intrigued me! All kidding aside, we are friends. We are going to be friends for quite some time, so let's begin with some compliments for one another as an olive branch. Personally, I think red looks fabulous on you. Your turn...

Love,
Period


 

DP#0097

Dear Period,

I hate that you're so irregular and pop up anytime you feel like it. I tried all sorts of apps to track you, but somehow you still find a way to come by surprise. You make me second guess myself of being pregnant... When I know I'm not! I don't like you most of the time, but when you don't come for months at a time and all of a sudden pop up again.. I appreciate you and realized I missed you. *Even though you ruined my cute undies* Hahaha. Thank you also for not giving me any pain... Or crazy symptoms. I love/hate you girl.

Anonymous

Dear Love Hate,

Hate is such a strong word, don't you think? I prefer Love honey, it's what makes the world go 'round. Enough of that sappiness, let's get down to business on calling me irregular...being on-time all the time is asking for quite a bit in my humble opinion; besides, a little spontaneity goes a long way in my book, shuga.

Maybe surprise me with opting to go on a birth control pill to "control" me, get it? The nonstop body changes of exercise, nutrition, hormones, etc...can all contribute to me being irregular. A steady mix of exercise and clean nutrition may help me get back to being on-time, and in all honestly please do go speak to a gynecologist about other ways to "control" me. You are my supervision and like it or not, you are the boss of me. Ugh, that hurts to say...

Until whenever I choose to show up,
Period


 

DP#0098

Dear Period,

You are a bit of a jerk, you give me headaches and all of your responses are kind of mean. I don't even want kids so I really wish you didn't exist

Someone

Dear Someone,

A jerk? C'mon, now that is mean. I'm hurt...nah not really, but you never know when I may retaliate with a nasty headache or cramps so tread lightly there, Someone. Wishing me to not exist seems rather one-sided, don't you think? I exist to make you more of a woman honey.

Until next month, ta-ta
Period


 

DP#0104

Dear Period

Hi. I just wanted to say sometimes we do not like each other. But I love you. And at least I'm not pregnant. Thank you for everything.

Anonymous

My Friend,

I know we don't always get along, it's the natural ebb and flow (crimson) of relationships. My job is a simple one, I am at your service.

Love,
Period


 

DP#0106

Dear Period,

I like you. No wait! I hate it when you don't show yourself up sometime. And i miss those extra bars of chocolates and a hot water bottle beside my bed every time. I feel the thrill of womanhood. But those extra cringes on my body and headaches makes me go eww! But never mind please do wave me every month on the right time. I love uh anyway 😘

Yours,
Anonymous

Dear Hold The Cocoa,

Well hello there darling, what a lovely message. I like you too. But a tip there friend...that chocolate is really not what I'm looking for between us. I do like a yummy tea, and if cramping, a raspberry tea can do wonders. The hot water bottle is lovely, similar to a cozy blanket.

Sorry for the extra body aches. But I cannot promise those will subside. Let's just keep this line of communication open, and see where our desires take us?

Much love shuga,
Period


 

DP#0111

Dear Period,

To you, my womanhood.

You arrive at the wrong times, if at all, go months without greeting me and remind me often of my loneliness, remind me your absence isn’t the presence of something bigger and made from love, but just absence. But I do love you. It’s empowering to bleed. Empowering to shed and rebuild.
Then I realized it was women, not men, who I preferred. Now, I am reminded that you being there is not an absence of love and children, but the strength of being a woman. I learn your arrival is never feared nor a relief, it is just part of life. Everything you can do, I can do bleeding, right?
Love you !

Anonymous

Dear Empowered,

I’ve often wondered about this concept of unconditional love. I think your love for me embodies it perfectly. And while you needed time to find your path to understanding and appreciating me, I knew you’d get there eventually. I’m proud knowing we’re united and that you recognize my value. I work hard to bring you balance and renewal. I’m amazing, if I do say so myself.

Your amazing friend,

Period


 

DP#0113

Dear Period,
Honestly you make my life difficult so uh sorry to ask but- WHY DO YOU HAVE TO EXIST PLEASE LEAVE ME

Anonymous

Dear Difficult Friend,

Leave you? Now that’s humorous. NEVER! Let’s look at this holistically: you need me and I need you, well at least your uterus. Play nice and share

Until next month,
Period


 

DP#0119

Dear Period,

I hate you sooo much. You make a good year horrible , a good month hurtful, a good week painful, and a good day distressful. Days I wanna be happy and spend time with people I cant because of you, you make me uncomfortable, you put me threw so much pain I cant enjoy a simple meal. There are days I go without a meal because of you. You put me in the feelings and I'm so sensitive when your around, you make me yell at people I respect dearly why would anyone do that to anyone. You ruin people clothes as if you pay for them especially my under wears. Don't get me started on all the bed sheets you ruined to. I know you come for several good reason but i rather choose another option then have to deal with you like for example watery nipples or a S**** load of discharge.!!!!!!! Sorry to break it to yah but you should be put in jail for making someone go threw soo much.

P/S Your Bystander Amin!!!!!!!

Dear Bystander,

Well that was an earful, my goodness. Phew, now that you have expressed your real feelings toward me, let's move on, what do you say? You and I are in this for the long haul shuga, and we may as well have some respect for each other as that may just blossom into something greater. I love surprises...especially those that involve me!

A few tips of advice for any pain or discomfort...look up good foods to eat and avoid sugar when I'm about to roar. Exercise always, but especially on day one! And your body, as do I, love teas...drink up honey.

Much respect,
Period


 

DP#0120

Hi Period,
I hate you so much. You mess with my emotions and cause me a great deal of pain... but at least I get chocolate!! You have ruined so many pairs of expensive underwear it’s unbelievable!! And you make me cry at everything and shout all the time! I can’t go swimming for my big galas and I feel like I can’t get out of bed!
The only good side to you is I know I’m not pregnant!

Anonymous xoxo

Dear Anonymous,

Hate, really? So I’ve ruined a few pairs of underwear and make you a little emotional now and then. How about looking at the big picture? I’m a fine tuned process, a marker of your overall health, and a great excuse when you need it (Who loves chocolate? We do!).

So before you push me to the curb let’s take a deep breath, step away from the tears, and value me for what I am -AMAZING. Who else can do what I do for you month after month? Embrace the hormonal fluxes because we have a ride ahead of us and I’d rather we be mutually respectful, and you recognize how AMAZING I am. Oops did I already say how AMAZING I am? Humble I am not, but you knew that.

Your dedicated friend,

Period


 

DP#0124

Dear Period,

I was at hotel for my job and when I woke up when the alarm went off I felt all wet down there so I jumped up to go to the ladies room I had gotten my period over night so I cleaned my self up and when I went back into the bed room I had bled all over the sheets I was so afraid I just made the bed and left I know I should have told a cleaning crew but I was ashamed

Anonymous

Dear Afraid,

You should never be ashamed of me! I'm a bold and beautiful testament to your womanhood and health. My arrival may not have been the best timing, but when is it? So next time, own it and be proud girl.

Your friend,
Period


DP#0125

Dear Period,

I woke up and you like attacked me. I ruined my underwear. I know you are natural but why do you hurt me so much?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Attack, really it was that bad? I don't mean to come on so strong, it's a fine balance to coordinate my arrival. I mean I like being the center of your attention and all, but jeez, words like "attack" and "hurt" are rough. Be patient with me, okay?

Your friend,
Period


 

DP#0127

I hope you die since I don't even want to have kids and yet you still have to bleed??? God it sucks and it hurts and feels uncomfortable and I hope my period (YOU) die.

Anonymous

Dear Death Wisher,

Die? A little harsh honey. Look, I know I can be a pain and quite uncomfortable at times but wishing my death chokes me up.

Let’s face it...I’m here to stay whether you want kids or not. I’m hear to bring you into womanhood which is quite magical if I do say so myself.

Cheers to more good times
Period


 

DP#0130

Why do you always give me horrible mood swings and bloating? 🙁 we were once good friends, no pain and a carefree five days! You've turned toxic x

Love from VP x

Dear Bloating,

Oh dear, it seems we may have stepped out of sync? And crap...my perfection of carefree living hit a bump in the road!

Let’s run down our list to get back on track, as bloating and mood swings could be a needed nutritional adjustment. And always exercise on my arrival date...trust me.

The last thing I want to be is toxic.

Looking forward to our next adventure,
Period


 

DP#0135

Dear Period,

Why do you always come when I least expect it or when I have a dance competition and also why do you hurt so f*&king much ah the pain ah

Anonymous

Dear Dance,

I like the element of surprise my friend, why should you have all the fun? Anyhow, I give you hints that I coming. You could start planning around me, and oh how I love to be the center of your attention.

Hugs and cramps,
Period


 

DP#0136

Dear Period,

You make me feel gross. You make me want to lay in bed all day. You make me feel humiliated and give me cramps. You suck. And I don’t feel as confident when your around. And for that, I hate you, cause no one should ever feel like they’re not beautiful. Ever. But you somehow manage to do that. You give me headaches and make my boobs hurt, what kind of person are you? I wish you could just go away forever and never return. Why do you gotta do this to me? What did I ever do to you?!

Sincerely, you did this to me, so F&*k you

Anonymous

Dear Beautiful,

I'm sorry, what is the problem? What is wrong with laying in bed all day? Trust me, there will come a day when you thank me for your much needed rest.

My arrival is a direct challenge to you to become more confident...think about it. A bleeding woman goes about her normal day with cramps, headaches, and most certainly sore boobs, and can still be powerful, beautiful and confident.

For the time being, the hatred and fuck yous are ignored. You will come around and eventually love me.

Sincerely,
Period


 

DP#0149

Dear Period,

Why , why do you have to come and cause me pain and stained clothes , all i want is just a few months without you wrecking my clothes.  And plus you make school hell , I’m constantly scared I’m gonna leak , and cramps are a b*tch.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I'm going to let you in on a secret, women are tough. The fact they function while bleeding, should never be overlooked or underestimated - YOU ARE A BAD-ASS. So instead of being pissed off at me for ruining some underwear, be proud that you're bleeding and tough.

Love and cramps,
Period


 

DP#0150

Dear Period,

Just wanted to let you know you suck!

Love anonymous

Oh to the contrary my dear - I am amazing, a powerful crimson tide. Strong and beautiful.

So what's got you so worked up? A few panties ruined? Cramps? Back ache? Please, that's nothing in comparison to what I do for you each month - delicately balancing your hormones, I'm a fined tuned wonder. So slow down with the slander, I don't suck. And if you continue to think that I suck, well let's just say I don't think making me angry is a good idea.

Your pal,
Period


 

DP#0155

Dear Period,

Boy do I sure hope you come this month, I'm begging you.  Usually you come when I don't want you to and now you're late, girl.
Why are you playing with my feelings?

Anonymous

Dear Anxious,

Hold on a second, I’m not playing with your feelings. If I’m late, it’s for a good reason. Before you get too upset, are you tracking me? Making notes of things that can throw me off?
If not, I wish you would. It could make our relationship work a lot better.

So back to my arrival, getting stressed isn’t going to help - I don’t like the pressure.

Your friend,
Period


 

DP#0157

Dear Period,

You are irregularly regular. For the first five months, you arrive towards the beginning of the month and then you take a month gap. Then, you decide to switch over towards the end of the month for the remaining six months. Why do you do this?
Also, you are insufferably painful. You leave my lower back aching and you irritate me. My uterus hurts. I am always bloated. Why? Why is the vagina compared to a "flower?" Nothing about a period is delicate.
But, Period, I need you. Without you, I am paranoid. I truly and honestly need you so please don't leave until you have to.

Anonymous

Dear Irregular,

I’m glad you need me, I like being needed. I know I can be a pain sometimes, but all friends are that way, don’t you think? Look at it like this - I’m getting used to you, you’re getting used to me. It will take me time to figure out which schedule I like.

Once we get in the flow of things, I bet you see the beauty of my crimson arrival.

Be patient irregular.

Love,
Period


 

Why The F Did I Wear White

Why The F Did I Wear White

DP #0006

Dear Period,

White tennis skirt...sophomore year, playing in a state championship doubles match, and yes, while wearing a white tennis skirt (mandatory uniform), my Period decides to rear its' fire-red head.  Screw you Period...probably the reason the match was lost!

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Well, boo double hiss, you lost the match because of your talent darling.  Let's face it, I'm incredibly vain, and just wanted to be seen.

Smooches,

Period


 

DP #0016

Dear Period,

8th grade graduation party, we were all outside celebrating and C.W. and I decided to climb the fence of the neighboring park district pool, and jump in fully clothed. The entire class promptly followed us. While sitting in a room waiting for our punishment I got my period in soaking wet white shorts. 😩

Still Embarrassed.

Dear Still Embarrassed,

I think you should be grateful.  This is a life lesson ... don't wear white shorts. Everyone who wears white shorts should be punished.

Your Period Fashionista


 

DP#0086

Dear Period,

You make my life suck. You force me to take pills and wear extra super plus tampons just to be able to function. You make dance and circus a living hell, and not to mention the white costumes.

Anonymous

Dear White Costume,

Ohh I do love entertainment, especially dance! When I ruin a costume it's just my sign to you that I like to dress up too shuga. Maybe incorporate some red into the routine to make me feel included?

On the heavy flow front, I do sincerely apologize. Some months I need to let out a shout more than other months. I'm sure you can relate.

Let's work on some costume coordination, what do you say?

Period


 

The Early Years

The Early Years

DP #0008

Dear Period,

That first day of freshman year of high school when B. C. (yes an upper classman) asked me to lunch, you just had to appear to wreck my confidence. You chose to appear as he and I were talking inside of his car.  Thank lord for black seats.  Needless to say, he never asked me out again...

Fuck you Period!

A. M.

Dear A. M.,

Confidence wrecker?  Oh come now, that seems harsh.  Besides, I knew that B. C. wasn't into you.  

Love,

Period


 

DP #0015

Dear Period,

Spring 1982. Junior High School Gym. White pants. 8th grade graduation practice. Teachers guarding doors so no one could leave. Someone tapped me on shoulder to tell me I had a big red circle on my butt. My first period.  In white pants.  In front of entire class. I ran past the teacher pushed through doors to my locker. I took my locker partner 's sweatshirt, tied it around my waist and called my mom for pick up. Dr. told me I wouldn’t get my period again for a year.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

What can I say?  I like a dramatic entrance.

Period


 

DP#0028

Dear Period,

I wish I could go back in time and slap my 12 year old self for ever wishing you would show up.

12-Year Old Self

Dear 12-Year Old Self,

Be careful what you wish for, very very careful. 

Your red friend,

Period


 

DP#0025

Dear Period,

I felt lucky as a teenager that my Catholic school uniform was a dark green and grey plaid skirt because it would camouflaged the inevitable period mishaps in class. I figured public school girls kept extra clothes in their locker or just went home.

Anonymous

Dear Catholic School Girl,

You're correct those public school girls did need extra clothes and often a pick up from mom too.  Another plus is that you didn't have to worry about the unfortunate white pants/skirt/shorts bloody fiasco.  Outside of the ugly plaid and the fact that you were never told the truth about me, you were quite lucky. 

Amen,

Period


 

DP#0037

Dear Period,

I'm 13 years old and I know I'm going to get my period on our family vacation. My mom won't let me use tampons because she said I'm not old enough. I don't understand. I'm thinking about buying some and not telling her but she'll know when I go swimming. I don't get what the big deal is.

13

Dear 13,
I know this is frustrating.  You should speak with your mom about her reasoning behind this thinking. She may be in the camp that thinks tampons are unhealthy or that if you use them you will no longer be considered a virgin.  The latter is a complete myth!  Using tampons though does require diligence, they do have to be changed every few hours. The bright side is that they require you to become more familiar with your body and can be super convenient.  And hey, pads can be convenient too, but not for swimming, gross.
Why not try to strike a deal with her that will make her feel comfortable?  Find out why she feels this way about tampons and design a plan around both your needs. Maybe a mix of tampons and pads would work?  Tampons for the convenience factor, say during high impact activities (running) and swimming (ask her if she's ever gone swimming with a pad on?). And pads the rest of the time.  
We're in this together 13.  We'll find a strategy that works for you and your mom.  But don't keep anything about me a secret, the more you share, the easier it will be to navigate ...  and you can also help out your friends along the way.
Stay afloat 13,

Period


DP#0038

Dear Period,

At my all girls high school if you said you had cramps most of the teachers would let you sit in the back of class with your feet up. I basically spent most of high school in back of class with fake cramps.

Thanks Period!

Dear Faker,

You know I'm not one for faking, because I'm as raw as it gets. A little feet up doesn't hurt anyone in my book, so I didn't retaliate when you used me in vain. We worked together Faker - now that's what I'm talking about! Don't forget there are boundaries, Faker. If I feel you are taking advantage of me, I just may get a little raw with you as a reminder of who's really in charge.

Your partner,
Period


 

DP#0041

Dear Period,

My three best friends got their periods in 7th grade. When you still hadn't shown up by Xmas of 8th grade I pretended to have you and started carrying my mom's gigantic maxipads in my backpack. Little did I know how much I would come to dread you.

Anonymous

Dear Maxi,

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the ol' "Be careful what you wish for" adage. You put a lot of pressure on me in 7th grade and I just wasn't ready. The more you demanded an arrival, the more I resented it. Carrying around your mom's maxipads was a call to arms - en garde! I held off as long as I could, and sure I may have been a little aggressive during the first few years in retaliation.

We definitely started off on the wrong ovary (haha), but I've come to appreciate you Maxi. Perhaps one day the feeling will be reciprocated?

Your companion,
Period


 

DP#0042

Dear Period,

I'm not sure why I'm calling you Dear, because you never were.  It was downright cruel for you to show up in my life when I was only 10 years old.  Wearing pads in the fifth grade and being so embarassed by simply existing becuase you were there...You were a pain in my belly from the start.  You owe me an apology.

Anonymous

Oh my 10 year old friend,

I admit we started off on the wrong foot, a bit early, I get it.  I know I haven't done much to make it up to you...other than being a CONSTANT and TRUSTED presence in your life.  Think about it, who else have you been able to count on like me?

And sure, some of my visits have led to awkard moments, but what visits don't?  THink about the last time you had a friend or relative in town, mmhmm.  So you see you've got it all wrong sister, I don't owe you an apology, you in fact owe me some love.  I'm willing to forget the harsh words and start anew, shall we say next month?

Here's to celebrating us.

Your loyal friend,

Period


 

DP#0043

Dear Period,

Remember the week I started my first year in secondary? Because I most certainly do. On the second day of school I started getting cramps and I just shrugged it off assuming it was nothing. But a while later at lunch break I felt wetness between my legs and had to run the the bathroom to see that there was blood on my pants and could even see wet patches on my jeans. The rest of that day I half walked and half waddled so classes and it was slightly embarrassing considering the fact in certain light you could see the patches even though the jeans were black. I still appreciate the whole "you're not pregnant and you're in perfect health" part of you though, so thanks for that.

From
YaBoiBex

Dear YaBoiBex,
I have to let you in on a secret - I like attention. So it shouldn't surprise you that I want to announce my arrival with a bang. Sure this may have been a bit traumatic, but it got you ready for me, didn't it? A hard lesson for sure, but it's all part of maturing.
Let me finish by saying thank you for recognizing some of my strengths.
Your companion,

Period


DP#0046

Dear Period,

I've always struggled with a heavy flow since I was 12, but I'd learned how to cope with it (or so I thought). One day I woke up with blood literally everywhere - my black sheet was covered as well as my favourite douvet and one of my cushions. I know I toss and turn in the night but surely I didn't deserve this! Like a normal human, I changed my bedding aswell as my pad to a super night time one (I have to wear those during the daytime as normal pads will not hold my flow).
After all this is done, I go into my mums bedroom to have a chat and get some painkillers. Within minutes, I felt the wet feeling again and as I sat up, there was a bloodstain on dad's side of the bed - right by his pillow. Not only had I leaked through my thick pad, pants and leggings, but i'd stained my parents sheets; I was mortified - and still am to this very day!

MC

Dear MC,

It may be difficult to see through all the stained sheets that this entire time I've been trying to teach you to be resourceful and creative. I may have come on a tad strong, but I thought you could handle me, even at the age of 12. Sometimes my desire to be the center of attention gets the better of me. Case in point, that time I stained your parent's sheets (extra credit for being on your dad's side of the bed).

I'll let you in on a secret MC - you need to think of me like a game of chess. Be strategic. Think two or three steps ahead, or I'll always have check mate. Consider this my white sheet of surrender - albeit a temporary one. I'm no softy, but every once in a while I can be a little sympathetic.

Looking forward to your next move.

Love,
Period


 

DP#0050

Dear Period,
I remember the day you came, I was at my friends house. Even though you have visited me a couple times I've never got the nerve to tell anybody about you. I know your still getting into the flow of things but just come once in a while on time. I wish you hadn't come yet. Also any ideas on how I can get the nerve up to tell/talk about you ?

From a teenage girl who is shy

Dear Shy,

I know it's difficult when someone new comes into your life, especially someone with a big personality, like me. I'm not the most consistent visitor right now, but you'll thank me later for that. Anyhow, a cool way to get ready for me in my full glory (read every 28 days) is to use a period app, there are a whole bunch out there. That way you can start tracking all things period like the date I arrive, how you're feeling before that, and when I leave.

Use me to your advantage Shy, I'm something to talk about with your friends. I like attention, a lot of it, and it would make me feel good that you're talking to your friends about. And hey, they may learn something.

Love,
Period


 

DP#0059

Dear Period,
I'm sorry but I've never had a good experience with you. Growing up in a culture that made me feel ashamed of you, I've never had enough tampons and pads to protect myself for a period and the leaks are so bad. But the cramps are the worst, although I should be kind of grateful that they aren't always bad enough to make me skip college. I love swimming, so why do you come when I really don't want you? Also the weird unpredictability of cycles, 6 years of having periods yet I still have cycles of 2 weeks up to 2 months. It just makes me feel awkward.

You cause me so much distress and I don't really talk to anyone about it, so I'm telling you.

Xo

My Friend,

I know I can be burdensome at times, but my intentions are good - I promise. My enthusiastic visits could be misconstrued as overzealous, I get that. I am an ambassador of your health. So, if I'm coming too frequently I may be trying to tell you something. I'm thinking a visit to the health clinic for a wellness exam is in order. And then you'll have a doctor to talk to about me with.

You don't really know my sentimental side, so I'm going to reach out a helping hand and offer a few suggestions for dealing with me: menstrual cups are super handy if tampons and pads are hard to come by (and you produce much less waste using a cup). And there are nifty period apps out there that will help you track me and how you're feeling throughout the month. Also, low-intensity exercise like swimming can actually help to relieve your cramps - READ keep on swimming girlfriend. Just an FYI that during exercise your body releases endorphins which act as natural painkillers.

Keep being patient with me, we're still relatively new at this and we have a long way to go. We'll eventually get in the groove.

Your friend,
Period


 

DP#0064

Dear Period, 

Why is it that after my first period your just like I'm gonna wait six months to return. Are you going to be that nice afterwards? I assume not, this was really a rhetorical question, I think. 

Why period why, 

G. L.

G.L.,

It's not you, it's me.  I wasn't ready to commit just yet.  You shouldn't take my absence as an indication of what's to come.  I was just being shy, that's all.  My goal is to visit monthly.  Hmm, maybe I'll even bring some bloating, cramps, and lower back pain with me?  My baggage, so to speak.  

I should probably start packing soon ... this is getting exciting.

Love,

Period


 

DP#0065

Dear Period,

I hate you. You made me vomit at school twice and you always come at the most inconvenient times. I got you in the 6th grade and ever since it's been hell! I'm a sophomore and these girls haven't gotten "it" and I get it the worst out of all the girls that do have it. Why do you have to punish me for that ? And everyone else gets big boobs because of you and I don't ! Not cool! But although you're so tiring sometimes I can use you as I'm excuse to get out of PE

❤️ Love,

The girl who is tired of you

Dear Tired,

I know my arrival is a pain.  I'm truly sorry I've made you sick a few times, that's not my intention.  Sometimes I arrive with such a force ... I'm trying to figure that out.  Be patient with me because we're going to be together for a long time.  I like to think our relationship is a bit more complicated, unique so to speak.

On the positive side, you can be the go-to for your friends when they get their periods or have really bad ones, "oh let me tell you....".  I will ask one more one thing Tired, don't skip PE.  Exercise really helps me calm down. If you do that, I'll try to work on the boobs.  Deal?

Your friend,

Period


 

DP#0066

Dear Period,

Could you please not be so painful? I can't miss anymore school. Also stop f#*^ing up my bed at 4 am.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Okay, obviously we’re not jiving if you keep missing school. I’m supposed to be demanding my friend. You knew this, right? As in “I’m coming girlfriend, feel my cramps and hear me roar”,. Hmm perhaps this is a bit much. I’m wondering what else you can do to pad my arrival? Making you more, makes me more comfortable. When you’re off, I’m off. When you’re feeling funky, I’m a wreck

Let’s negotiate some new terms friend ... you take time to eat well and sleep enough and I will try not to ruin you sheets. That sounds fair to me,,,

Your bed wrecking friend,
Period


 

DP#0069

Dear period (AKA: Satan’s Waterfall),
Thanks for showing up so unexpectedly when I’m sitting in a middle of an exam and you came. It’s always nice to have a friend, keep trying cause you don’t have one. I also LOVE having my guts stabbed to death and loosing a few pounds of blood a month!

Unloving regards,
Madison

Dear Madison,

I thought I was doing you a favor popping up during your exam. I distracted you from your test anxiety, didn’t it?

Now to this Satan’s Waterfall stuff, I’m a fine tuned self-cleaning machine my friend. You try cleaning a uterus. It isn’t easy, I’m talking some serious coordination of hormones girlfriend.

How did you do on that exam anyway?

Period


 

DP#0073

Dear Period,
Today has been rough. Why aren't you regular yet?? It's been 2 years!! Maybe I'm the Virgin Mary. BTW it's our 2 year anniversary. Will I stop growing??

Anonymous

Happy Periodversary,

Look at us - two years! That makes me warm and fuzzy. I know someday I'll be influential in your life, like you'll be planning things with my arrival in mind. But for now, I'm going to take my time arriving, slow and steady is how I'm flowin'.

We've got a bright (red) future ahead of us.

Your friend,
Period


 

DP#0079

Dear period,
Thank you for making me a strong powerful women but did you really have to ruin my 13 birthday? Or always be late even though all my other friends periods come on time? Period why do you always show up when I'm about to have the time of my life or want to go to the pool? If it's something I've done I'm sorry but you need to fix yourself... like seriously!

Anonymous

Dear Punctuality,

Now now, did I really ruin your 13th birthday party? I found it the perfect time to show you how much I adore you. Let's talk what it means to always be on time...don't get me wrong, structure is great, but consistently being on time for my arrival is a snooze and rather restrictive don't you think? I like to party too....which is why missing the times of your life or a pool party would be torture.

Party rock is in the house tonight
Everybody just have a good time
And we gon' make you lose your mind
Everybody just have a good time

Oh and you are welcome for the strong power...use it wisely.

Hugs and cramps,

Period


 

DP#0084

Dear Period,
It was seventh grade and I was sitting in social studies. You caught me by surprise. At first I thought I peed on myself, turns out it was more. Now 6 years later and I love/hate when you come to visit every month. I appreciate your visits.

Anonymous

Dear Twenties,

I do like to make a grand entrance, don't I? Love always wins over hate, trust me. Love me more and more and let's see where this relationship can go darling. I know I'm looking forward to the years ahead, and will just apologize now for your late forties.

Much love,
Period


 

DP#0087

Dear period,

Hi this is my second period now and I am 11. The pain is horrible but it is still worth it for possibly future children! 💗 maybe you could leave the pain behind but otherwise thank you for changing me into a woman.

Ashleigh

Dear Womanhood,

Well hello darling, welcome to the exclusive group, so elated to meet you. I do sincerely apologize for making my grand entrance so early in your life, but I knew you were mentally ready. As we venture through this long relationship there may be some pain, some mishaps, some misunderstandings of one another, but most importantly, there will be love.

Some tips...if you feel me cramping, drink raspberry tea. On day one of my arrival, be sure to exercise in some format as that helps me adjust for the days ahead.

Love,
Period


 

DP#0088

My Dear Period,

Sometimes I can’t stand you.

You literally planned a surprise party for my 13th birthday. It was nice to have someone think of me, but it just didn’t seem like the right time to meet you, you know? Maybe in a later time it could have worked out. But it’s time we move on.

I don’t care for tomorrow, and I want you to be gone from me. Thank you.

Anonymous

Dear Surprise,

I do like a grand entrance honey, and you're surprise 13th birthday seemed like the perfect red carpet. Now now, wishing me to be gone is only going to cause irritation between the two of us.

Let's make a deal...I'll be kind if you will?

You complete me,
Period


 

DP#0101

Dear Period,
You know how my boyfriend and I had our first kiss today? Well, why the hell did you decide to come after I was 100% sure you were over? This is why I have trust issues.

Anonymous

Dear First Kiss,

I do apologize for making a bloody scene during an important milestone for you. As time will show you, it is very difficult to really determine when I will start, end or heck, even decide to show up! I suppose the element of surprise is a natural phenomenon within me. Please allow me to assist with any trust issues you may encounter, and do know that the largest someone to trust is always you.

Much love,
Period


 

DP#0107

My Dearest Period,

I know you like making your monthly visits, but it really isn't necessary. Because you never can come by yourself! You always bring pain, whining, cramps, moodiness, cravings, acne, sleepless nights, and ruined clothing. I know you feel the need to inform me that i'm not pregnant, but I am, very well, aware of that fact.

I don't think i'll ever be able to forgive you for coming heavier than usual at school and deciding to go through my skirt. It was VERY unappreciated. Thank you for not giving me cramps the first two years i had my period. BUT WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE STAYED THAT WAY!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TAKE A VACATION - A PERMANENT ONE.

Lots of love 🙂

Dear Vacation,

Did someone say vacation? I love to vacation. Have you looked at my schedule though? Seriously, I’m busy 24 out of 28 days a month getting hormones just right for my arrival. As much as I’d love to have some me time, my responsibilities are too important.

Hmm.... maybe it would help to think of the cramps, moodiness, cravings, etc ,,,, as part of my gang. The Period Posse? I like the sound of that. We work together and support one another.

I’d say send a post card if you travel, but I’ll be by your side the entire time. Excellent news for me.

Hugs,
Period


 

DP#0132

Dear Period,

I hate to say this, but I hate you. I really do. I wished for you to come because all my friends had by them by the age of 13 but you waited another year. Month one was a walk in the park and I thought this would be easy. But oh I was wrong. When you arrive, I experience cramps that you couldn’t even imagine the pain. And also my uterus occasionally feels like it’s exploding, like a little pop in my stomach. I strongly dislike that sensation.
Oh, and in case I didn’t mention, I hate you.

Anonymous,

Dear Anonymous,

Hey now, hate is a strong word. Look this is hard for me too. I'm trying to get it all figured out - there's a ton I have to do in preparation for my arrival. You try balancing all these raging hormones! So a few days of cramps, well I'm working like mad for 24 days straight!

Look I say we call a truce for now, cool? We're still getting used to each other and well hun, we're going to be together for a long time to come. Just know I'm doing my best. I hope you find some patience and appreciation for me because I am truly amazing.

Period


 

DP#0138

Dear Period,

Remember how you thought it was a great idea to spring along me for the first time when I was eight.. EIGHT!!!

Also why do you make me have cravings and cramps 2 weeks before I even come on?? You’re the reason I’m fat. Haha.

Anonymous

Dear Eight,

I know that was a bit young for starting, a few years younger than the average age. But who wants to be average? Not me!

The cramps and cravings are, well just part of the deal. Exercise can help with the cramps and work off some of those calories from succumbing to those cravings. Trust me there are ways to work the system. Why not try this approach next month, what do you have to lose?

Your friend,
Period


 

DP#0145

Dear Period,

So you decided to first come 3 days before I turned 13. You knew very well that I had an odd thing about not wanting you to come until I turned 13. So you decided to do come when I'm 12 years and 362 days old. So rude.

However there was another reason the date was bad. It was a Monday morning when the cramps arrived. I was also in math and someone kept going on about how it was their birthday be nice. I was naturally very annoyed and the cramps didn't help. It was hell

That's not all though. You came in the evening when my mum isn't home. I had no idea what to do so I panicked.

From Me

Dear Me,

I don’t want to come off as harsh, but you’re not the boss of me. I adhere to my own schedule. I arrive when I want to arrive, not when you want me too.

We should probably come to an understanding - I’m direct and I like attention. But I also want you to be empowered by my, shall we say, enthusiasm. Me coming early while your mum was out was a perfect opportunity for you to trust in those closest to you and your instincts.

We have a long journey ahead, Me. I think we can be supportive of one another, don’t you?

Love and cramps,

Period


 

DP#0146

Dear Period,

I was really excited to get you and to join all my friends and finally feel more grown up but now I really should have been dreading you! You hurt and I have awful cramps every time I have it😩.  You made me feel like a grown up and you helped my parents to treat me like one so thanks...

Another person

My Dearest Another Person,

The cramps are part of it. Look I’m not perfect, although pretty darn close, and that means with all my good attributes there are some negatives - cramps, crabbiness, bloating, ruined undies... In the big picture not so bad, just a little annoying.

Don’t forget we need to work together, there are things you can do to reduce cramps, like exercise, limit caffeine, or even try raspberry leaf tea. Try it next month and see if I’m on to something.

Love and cramps,

Period


 

DP#0151

Dear Period,

I got my first period on my 13th birthday great timing (sarcasm).  Just my luck on this day I was traveling out to Florida for the next two weeks and the first week we stayed in a villa with a pool and boy did I want to get in that pool badly!

So thank you for ruining my holiday.

Anonymous

Dear Traveler,

Here’s a little secret - you can swim when I’m visiting, but there are some things you should know. When you get into the water the pressure can stop me from flowing - temporarily. BUT the water pressure can drop slightly if you laugh, cough, sneeze, or move around so a little blood may come out. Getting out of the water will change the pressure again, and I will flow again, so it’s probably a good idea to use a tampon or a menstrual cup while swimming to avoid leaking once you head for land again.

Now let’s get to this unlucky business. In some cultures 13 is considered a lucky number. My arrival on your 13th birthday is a beautiful alignment. So don’t think of me as bad luck or think you can’t do things when I’m visiting because you can. Don’t forget that. Bleeding doesn’t mean boring.

Your friend,
Period


 

DP#0158

Dear Period,

As a 13 year old, I anticipated your arrival with such excitement! When you no longer made your regularly scheduled appearance, I knew I was pregnant. What a break for you that was!

Now, as I journey into cronehood, you appear at the oddest times - usually when having penetrative sex. My sheets and mattress are stained with your blood. They remain reminders of former sexual encounters and the ability of all my wonderful partners to laugh it off. To wear your blood like a warrior! Your unexpected appearance helped weed out the immature partners who couldn't handle it. Thank you for that!

I know we're getting closer to the day that I will no longer see you (at least I hope so!). I see you often now - a few times a week. I can feel your urgency, your need to be seen. Once you're gone, I will remember you...but please don't feel like you need to stay.

PH

Dearest Friend,

Yes, yes you are correct, our time is closing after decades of fun. And well tickle me a pinkish red with your desire to remember me darling. I do sincerely apologize for appearing at the most random times, as I too am going into crone-hood (which by the way I just may steal that lovely term), and just want to be around all of the time.

Let's face it, I'm needy, in charge, urgent at my pace, and my stay inside your uterus doesn't necessarily have a checkout date just yet. Be wary, as I may disappear for months at a time, and make a statement by coming back for just one last dance shuga before I dance right out that door.

Until we meet again friend,
Period


 

Embarrasing As Hell

Embarrasing As Hell

DP #0004

Dear Period,

When the new hot guy at the gym is next to me on the treadmill, you feel even worse.  Like a double throb.  F-you Period

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Good for you honey for making it to the gym upon my nasty arrival.  Keep up the good work, and I'll see you next month.

Ha,

Period


 

DP #0013

Dear Period,

Please stop showing up in the middle of the night and the middle of my bed.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

First of all, nice bedding set.  Second of all, last night was my friendly reminder it's time to wash your sheets.

Your welcome,

Period


 

DP#0024

Dear Period,

I understand guys being uncomfortable talking about you but I don't get why some women are. I totally silenced an entire table of women at a pottery painting party when I made a joke about you. I know I'm funny so it must have been about you. Why is that? You're not "Fight Club". We CAN talk about you.

Anonymous

Dear Pottery Painter,

I know I can silence a room, even of women.  Frankly, I'm tired of it. I should be celebrated and marveled. I want a voice at the proverbial table. 
A change is brewing (and not that change girlfriend), trust me.

Period


 

DP# 0031

Dear Period,

So there I was getting a tattoo by a super hot guy, which I mistakenly scheduled on the heaviest day of you, period.  I have to take a break every hour to change my tampon.  At break number 2, hot tattoo guy uses the bathroom before me, I walk in after him to find you, period, on the toilet seat. Remnants of break number 1. I spend the next three hours with hot guy finishing my tattoo - mortified. You suck.

N. P. A.

Dear N. P. A.,

He leaves his mark, I leave mine.

Period


 

DP#0032

Dear Period,

Well, here we are again, a full 18 days later. Look, I know my va-jay-jay is magical but early arrival guests are simply rude.

Sincerely Peri-Menopausal

Dear Peri-Menopausal,

Pink’s Let’s Get the Party Started seems to be an appropriate theme song these days, don’t ya think?  No coincidence that Pink is a lighter shade of RED.

Get this party started
Get this party started right now
Get this party started
Get this party started
Get this party started right now …

Period


 

DP#0046

Dear Period,

I always saw you as a reminder of my womanhood and beauty, but that doesn't mean you're not a complete pain in my ass. And stop making my boobs grow!!!! It makes running to the fridge a lot harder.

Much love,
SL

Dear SL,

Oh stop, you're making me blush ... ok keep going, I'm liking this. I want to hear more about my good qualities.

What a relief you understand me, well mostly. I may be a pain in the ass sometimes, it's sort of like your best friend, who, let's be honest, can even be an occasional pain in the ass. You know I'm right. And just like a best friend, I'm here, time and time again.

Look, I'm sort of doing you a favor with the bigger boobs. A gentle reminder that maybe that trip to the fridge isn't necessary. Just sayin'.

Your trusted friend.
Period


 

DP#0049

Dear Period,

Please keep in mind that clean white bedsheets in a spanish hotel are ment to stay clean and white. Also try not to do so much of the 'showing up at random times' thing. That day at the pool was not fun.

Anonymous

Dear Pool Time,

I'm not sure why you think you get to have all the fun? I like traveling and being pool side. But you never ask about what I like. I'm taking initiative and inviting myself to the party. Please don't try to plan around me, really it will only lead to embarrassment.

Don't forget the sunblock!

Love,
Period


 

DP#0051

Dear Period,
What I want to know is do you have to make a big stain on my pants in the the middle of dinner with my boss???? I was surrounded by my dad, boss, his daughter, and my mum!!!

Like why just why??!!

Working girl,

Alright that may have been a bit much. All that talk about work though, seriously how boring! I was just trying to spice up the evening. It was memorable, right? Makes for a great story, may be not something to share at your next job interview, but with your girlfriends for sure.

Love you're spicy friend,
Period


 

DP#0056

Dear Period,

You arrived today. Simultaneously embarrassing me in English class, giving me excruciating backache and ruining my new underwear that I literally bought yesterday. But I still kind of like you. You let me know that I'm not pregnant but I still don't see why you can't just text me and be like 'hi you're not preggers, talk to you next month!' Or something like that. I'm still spending money on you as well, although I don't really have a choice, it's either buy you your pads or let you bleed into my skirt... please, just text me next month

Phoebe

Oh Phoebe,

You should know by now that I’m old fashioned. I prefer the natural method of communicating. It makes it exciting, don’t you think? It takes weeks before you know if you’re preggars or not ... all that time waiting in anticipation, thoughts consumed by nervous energy, asking yourself was that a period symptoms, no wait, or a pregnancy symptom? It’s fun, right?

I am sorry about the underwear, my bad.

Your trusted friend,
Period


 

DP#0063

Dear Period,

I was at one of my clubs and forget to change my tampon, therefore you decided that you just cry your little heart out. Which caused me to leak all over my undies and almost to my shorts.

You're such a pain.

Anonymous

Oh Clubbin’,

I felt like you forgot about me. I was feeling neglected and needed your attention.  And anyway it was only your undies, I gave you a break. 

I’d rather avoid us getting to one of those most embarrassing moments ever situations.  So just remember I’m visiting when you’re out having fun, because I can’t promise a similar break the next time you forget about me.  Just sayin’.

Your friend,

Period


 

DP#0070

Dear Period,

I've hated every day of this week so much. I wasn't able to practice my dance because it was so bad. Just why are you like this? BTW, I still remember the time where I was in class and my stomach started hurting so bad. Then I looked down and saw the blood party through my pants. The only good thing was that I had a sweater to cover it up until it started to get little bits of blood on it.

Sincerely,

Idk

Dear Idk,

Maybe I’m a bit much sometimes, but you’ll get used to me one day. Its sort of like when you start hanging out with someone new and at first it can be weird? Well I’m still in that weird stage of getting used to you. Testing out the (red) waters so to speak.

We’re going to be friends for a long time, why rush? Slow and steady girl....

Btw, I like to dance too

Period


 

DP#0090

Dear period,
You suck. I try to be nice and except you, after all you are a part of life. But all you do in return is make school worse, give me back pain and headaches, you even try to embarrass me in front of everyone. You make me lazy and hungry. I wish you would go away.

Anonymous

Dear Lazy and Hungry,

Yes, yes I do suck...suck the life out of you once a month, bhwrararara. Only kidding. In reality, we together can be quite the duo if you so choose. Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. A mild oversight on the headaches and back pain, but it can be difficult to make my way around each month. I promise to be cognizant of that approach from here on out. A little hint, as exercise, raspberry tea and eating healthy clean foods will help with the lazy and hungry feeling you so badly want to blame on me . Oh and plenty of water helps me battle that desire to give you back paid and headaches.

On that whole embarrassing thing you mentioned...oh puleez honey...that's not me embarrassing you...that's your friends envy. Trust me.

Until next month, Ta-Ta,
Period


 

DP#0110

Hi Period,

It sounds crazy to write to you but here I am right now. The first time you came you made me feel like a young woman and you still do every month. The first few times (for a year or two) I dreaded your arrival. Now, I don’t really care that much. Thank you for being there, and giving me the chance to have children one day. Thank you I guess for putting me through days of CONTINUOUS bleeding and pain ; not sure I’m so grateful for that. A day at most would be enough. Still love you though (I guess!)
🙂

Anonymous

Dear Unsure,

I suppose this is a touch crazy writing to your Period, but who cares, bhwrahahaha. And yes, you do love me, I repeat, you do love me.

Life is all about chances, experiences and love...all of which come along with some bleeding and pain every now and then. Just wait until your forties, and I'm sure you will be rehashing your love for me.

All my love, all the time,
Period


 

DP#115

Dear Period,

Remember that time when I was about to start Physical Training for ROTC and you showed up? I was so embarrassed, because you leaked a little onto my leggings. I was so scared to do the leg stretches, but thankfully no one noticed. I tried to be discreet, and you were my friend that morning. I just wish you would've given me an earlier warning, but otherwise, thanks for sparing me. Come back soon, because I'm tired of you giving me false alarm cramps.
Sincerely,
Female Teenager

Dear Let's Get Physical,

First of all a big thank you for all that you do with me. I need to be there for you, all the time. You picking up what I'm putting down? We just started this long tumultuous relationship...wait until things get heated darling.

Oh so I leaked a touch...let's not cry over spilled milk, deal? And those false alarm cramps...I'm just getting physical too honey.

Much love,
Period


 

DP#0121

Dear Period,

Please please please stop being late 😩 you were due the week before Christmas and never came - then boom you hit me on Christmas Day 😐! I do like you though when your light because it shows I’m healthy 😂- in the future please be on time and don’t leak through my pad 🤟🏼
Yours truly ,

ANON

Dear Anon,

I missed the mark on Christmas, didn’t I? I thought I was bringing a little crimson cheer On the holiday. Oh well I’ll try to do better next year.

As far as being late, I know I keep a spotty schedule but that’s just the way I flow. Anticipation builds excitement, right? And I always bring good news - you’re healthy.

Your friend,
Period


DP#0122

Dear Period,

So I was at school and my history and math teachers are married and they share a classroom. My math teacher (female) was gone that day so her husband was filling in for her. I had to go to the bathroom. That's when I saw the blood. I started freaking out and went back to class. After going back to class, I told two of my friends. After telling my friends, they told me to go back and take care of it. So I asked to go again. My history teacher (male) got super annoyed and just stared at me until he finally let me go.

Anonymous

Hi New Friend,

I’m glad you told your friends about me and took care of me right away (I do like being the center of your attention). You passed your first test with me girlfriend. Your history teacher - he failed! Someone needs to teach him a thing or two about me.

Until the next time,
Period


DP#0129

Dear Period,

Why must you arrive at the most annoying times? Important exam, period. Friends party, period. Christmas day, period. Why can you not wait a week or two?
Sincerely,

Evie

Dearest Evie,

Wait? Oh c’mon now I adore all of your life events just as much as you. I just want to be a part of your pack. Pretty please?

Besides I’m only trying to build character as in your character. Just wait until we are in the workforce together...

All my love,
Period


 

DP#0134

Dear Period,

Hi there Period just why do you choose the most awful times to pop up and say hello , like that time you decided to come and say hello whilst sitting an exam or whilst a evacuating a building that’s on fire?

Anonymous

Dear Firestarter,

I like the element of surprise my dear. Combine that with my need for attention and things start to get interesting. Here’s the thing my “timely” visits will make for great stories one day, really. I especially like the evacuation one, quite brilliant arrival if you ask me. I can see it now, you telling your girlfriends about it over a glass of wine, everyone laughing and empathetic. Trust me, let’s have a little fun! With it

Keeping it spicy,
Period


 

DP#0139

Dear Period,

Why can't you come at the same time of the month? I never know when your going to arrive so I always have to be prepared and I'm always cautious. If I get a tummy ache I instantly assume its you. It often isn't so then I've just panicked for no reason. And also why do you stay for so long? Did no one teach you how to be polite? Never stay for longer than wanted at a guests' house or in this case body. Learn some manners.

From Me

Dear Me,

I’ve got a complicated job to do and I stay until it’s finished. I’m not a quitter. Don’t confuse that with being impolite.

How about this, download a period app and start tracking me. I bet you’ll be less frustrated and start to appreciate me, and everything I do for you. Which is a lot, like a real lot.

We’re going to be together for a long time to come, so we may as well be friendly about this. And maybe one day even friends.

Love,
Period


 

DP#0140

Dear Period,

I really do not need you. I'm a lesbian who plans if I have kids, they'll be adopted. throwback to the first time I got you where I was ten years old. I thought I had some sort of disease that'd kill me but I was too afraid to tell anyone. we didn't have education on the subject till a year later. as I said I really do not think I need you.

Anonymous

Dear Hasty,

Wait a minute, I take insult to the notion that I’m just for baby making. I’m a fine tuned process that is a banner of your health, fine your reproductive health. But listen sister if you aren’t treating your body well - I will let you know. If something is off hormonally - I will let you know. I’m part of a wonderfully integrated system, so don’t be so quick to say you don’t need me.

And look what if you adopt a girl? What will you tell her about her period? “Well darling, I decided I didn’t need one so I got rid of it.” Please, you may have the opportunity to educate and empower a young woman. You can help stop this cycle (no pun intended) of period shaming and be part of the bad ass women who empower future bleeders.

Challenge accepted?

Love,
Period


 

DP#0142

Dear My Period

What the hell???  Down the stables - I was trying to ride and I start so embarrassing and I had to ask my friend for a pad wth!!!!!!
Most embarrassed person ever

Anonymous

Dear Horsing Around,

Look you’re part of the period tribe now. I know you’d be happy to help someone in need of a pad or tampon, right? It would probably make you feel good to help, right?. And that’s probably how your friend felt, so stop being embarrassed!

Now you need to start planning for me better. Seriously it isn’t that hard, so throw that extra tampon/pad in you bag and then you’ll be ready to help yourself and support your tribe.

Your friend,
Period


 

DP#0148

Dear Period,

Can you please stop making seem like your a waterfall because it’s really pissing me off.I’ll be sat in class and suddenly I feel like shits about to be stained but nope it’s just a the smallest bit. And plus can you just ease off on the cramps Jesus I don’t want to feel like I’m being stabbed every 10 minutes and then feel like there’s a herd of elephants trampling over my uterus.

Anonymous

Dear Waterfall

I’m tricky aren’t I? It’s a coveted talent that you someday will master. In the meantime, take my jabs and trampling as a notice me gesture. I want your attention, monthly.

You see not much can stop me but we can most certainly find many ways to be friends.

Much love,
Period


 

R-Rated Stories

R-Rated Stories

DP#0014

Dear Period,

Last winter, after a particularly intense snow storm that had most of us bundled up for days, I found myself at a series of snow parties with a boo thang I had banged a few moon cycles back (who also happens to be my best friend's room mate). We were dancing and grooving and decided to take things back to his place so I could check out the "sweet igloo" he had made in his backyard. The igloo was so impressive that things quickly escalated to us fooling around inside the igloo. I didn't think too much about the fact that I was on my period because (a) we weren't having sex yet and (b) I was pretty intoxicated. And then, to my horror, when we are wrapping things up to go to his room, I find myself sitting in a pool of my blood that had stained the igloo ice floor...needless to say, things didn't progress much past that and I now have to relive this moment every single time I hang out at my best friend's house. The moral of the story is this: A. Don't have sex with your best friend's room mate - it never ends well. B. Don't have sex in an igloo - it never ends well.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Sweetheart, there are no words for this.  

My goodness,

Period


 

DP#0017

Dear Period,

Remember that one time when the universe did me a solid and let me meet a really cool guy (cough "Tinder Traveler" cough)? Remember when you decided to show up during our initial meeting (because let's face it, it's not a first date when you haven't even seen this person IN person), forcing me to rely on my backup supply of emergency tampons? Well, later that night, after a lovely 8 hour date with someone I was 100% going to bang, I end up on my couch fooling around. I'm hyped - this is my rebound sex and it's gonna be great... Except when Tinder Traveler spreads my legs to see a little white string hanging out of my Vaj. After staring at it for a moment (which obviously felt uncomfortable - kind of like having your OBGYN look at you as if you have herpes on your junk), he says: "Ohhhh, I see what's happening here..." Once again cock blocked by my own body. Thanks period, you suck.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Sweetheart, there are no words for this.  

My goodness,

Period


 

DP#0072

Dear Period,

WHY ARE YOU THE FUCKING WORST I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HATE PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING ELSE YOU MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH MORE DIFFICULT THAN IT NEEDS TO BE AND HAVE CAUSED ME SO MUCH PAIN AND HINDERED SO MUCH FUN AND TAKE UP SO MUCH OF MY TIME FUCK YOUUUUUU!!!!!!!

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Sooo, I'm sensing some tension between us. Look, I know this shit isn't easy, but you try cleaning out a uterus every month. Coordinating all things period is tough. Have you ever stopped to think about what I'm going through? Starting the day after my last visit, I work non-stop for the next 24 days orchestrating hormones, ovaries, follicles, and eggs. Let's do the math, I get about three days off a month. I'm not perfect, I get crabby sometimes and take it out on you. But who likes to deal with tough shit on their own?

So the next time your feeling salty about me, try to put yourself in my shoes (size 8, red please).

Love,
Period


 

Later In Life Years

Later In Life Years

DP #0011

Dear Period,

Today, I have my annual exam of which will provide no new results, and continued frustration on my behalf as the educated physician will have zero answers on why my Period does whatever she friggin wants.

Hate you,

M.R.

Dear M.R.,

Where to begin...by now I'd think you'd understand that educated physicians are not the boss of me.  I bleed to the beat of my own drum.  The sooner you embrace me the better off we will all be.

Love,

Period


 

DP#0020

Dear Period,

Why is that we have peacefully coexisted for 20+ years and you suddenly came screaming and raging in my mid-thirties?

Fu&* off,

AJ

Dear AJ,

Fu&* off, really?  Now, now, how childish of you especially now that you're in your thirties.  Never fear, I get nastier in your forties love.

Hugs, cramps and blood clots,

Period


 

DP#0026

Dear Period,

As you know I've recently started having hot flashes in bed at night. Now I have my regular heavy flow period and early menopause. Make up your &amp;$@?%# mind!!!

You are greedy and mean,

Hot Flash

Dear Hot Flash,

It saddens me to know that our time will soon be coming to a close.  What can I say, I want to surround you with my love?  I can be a little needy at times, and well this is how I show my love best.  Did you know that omnipresent is one of my favorite words? 

Hugs and hot flashes,

Period


 

DP#0029

Dear Period,

Is it really necessary for you to be more difficult as I get older. Waking up soaked in my own sweat because you decide to mess with my hypothalamus is pushing the outer limits.  It is however your only feature that reminds me I am not a teenager as my unruly hormones take every shed of my fabulous forties!

Sincerely,

Soaked

Dear Soaked,

Here's the thing, I like to build momentum, slow and steady, before I go out with a bang.  If you're any kind of planner you'll know where this is going - plain speak, I'm ramping it up girlfriend.  Just think how wonderful your fabulous fifties will be without me.  I'm just helping you prepare for that era of your life. 

You're welcome,

Period


 

DP#0030

Dear Period,

I am so over you.  You have ruined enough days of my life, particularly in my 40's.  I am soon getting an IUD!  The one that eliminates periods all together!  So we are officially breaking up!  Good riddance to my Aunt from Red Bank!  You are mean spirited and I will not miss you. 

Bye girl! 

CB

Dear CB,

Breaking up?  Not so fast my dear.  You really think a piece of plastic is going to come between us?  I will not give up so easily.  A battle is a foot, be warned it could get bloody. 

En guard,

Period


 

DP#0034

Dear Period,

Just when I thought you had moved on (I am over 50), you came running back into my life. Is it because my young teen just got her period for the first time? Do you really think that is fair?? Do you really think I want to be cycle sisters with my daughter?? And just how I am supposed to keep from blurting out to her that I kinda resent her for it?? Thanks for ruining another milestone in my life and hers.

MEH

Dear MEH,

You've got it all wrong.  There's no ruining of a milestone here, I've come back to give you a gift, a unique bonding opportunity with your daughter.  How many 50-somethings can say they're blood sistas with their daughter?  I like the ring of that, there's reality show potential.  You'll change your tune once your show pays for your daugther's college tuition, promise. 

Love,

Your talent scout AKA Period


 

DP#0039

Dear Period,

I just completed category 4, subcategory 3 (bathroom) of the cult of KonMari and instead of shoving the 6 boxes & 5 bags of tampons and pads to the back of the cabinet I have to put it all in one container. This is my dilemma (oh wait - I forgot to mention how much I hate you. I hate you): a red basket is a cliche. Maybe black to represent you sucking the life out of me each month? Wicker is out because I hate wicker. Maybe something pretty because those are my little soldiers in the battle every month? What say you?

Spark Joy Bitch!

Dear Declutter,

Did it occur to you that your attraction to the Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up cult may be a hint? This need to declutter may be a sign of other life changes on the horizon. I'm practical Declutter, I want you to use those menstrual products on hand and stop buying more than you need, and more importantly that which you may not need in the very near future. Change is hard Declutter, but resisting it is even harder.

Oh, and I prefer the natural basket. I have simple tastes.

Your friend,
Period


 

DP#0040

Dear Period,

When I first got my period I thought "Here come the boobies". I'm still waiting 25 years later. Thanks for making me a woman downstairs and a 6th grade boy upstairs.

You suck.

Lifetime member I.B.T.C.

Dear I.B.T.C.,

Whoever told you that getting your period equated to getting boobies played you for a fool. Was this an older sister perhaps? Or the class bully? There are no hormonal guarantees in life I.B.T.C., well except a few like menopause (just thought I'd mention that) and wrinkles. I think it's time you embrace your little boy chest - go bra free, jump up and down, forgo the padded bra that makes you look like you have something you don't .... live a little and celebrate the flat lands!

With that, I think you should run for I.B.T.C. President, just sayin'.

Period


 

DP#0044

Dear Period,

We have had a tumultuous relationship, you and I. I remember when you first arrived. I didn’t know what to do. My mom had never talked with me about you. All I knew was from a pamphlet I’d sent away for and from reading about girls who had gotten their periods in fiction books. Well, just two girls: Margaret and Allegra Maud Goldman. I was uninformed. I waited two days after you came to tell my mom. I felt awkward and weird. My mom gave me some pads and that was that. Several days later she asked, “So, whatever happened with your period?” I don’t think we spoke of you again. I don’t remember how my supply of bulky pads was replenished. (Tampons were not discussed as an option.)

You were troublesome. You were strong and demanding and I didn’t know how to control you. So many nights I slept with a hand towel tucked into my underwear to try and keep you from getting all over my sheets. So many times I got up from a chair worried that you’d made a surprise appearance (all over the back of my pants). Remember the one time when that actually happened? I was in my 20s and still didn’t know how to manage you. The highest absorbency tampon along with a thick maxi pad couldn’t staunch your flow. I got up from lunch and, HELLO, there you were. I wrapped my jacket around my waist, hastily told the principal at the school where I was teaching what happened (luckily, she was a woman), and rushed to Wal-Mart to buy a new pair of pants, desperately searching for the same olive green color I’d been wearing. Do you know how hard it is to find an olive green pair of pants when you need one? I felt ashamed, I felt defeated, I couldn’t wait for you to be gone. I held on to the one period fact my mom shared with me: she went through menopause early, in her 40s.

I’m in my 40s now. And you’re still in my life! I’ve kept track of you for 131 cycles but, sometimes you still surprise me. Like the time you waited 44 days to show up rather than your usual 27. What was up with that? Or the time you popped up after just 23 days. Last year, I tried a menstrual cup and reusable pads (I use GladRags). I did my research before I ordered. Did you know there are teenage girls making YouTube videos about you? Talking openly about you and sharing tips for using menstrual cups? Amazing! I was so impressed with these young women. I thought, if they can be open and accepting of their periods, I can, too. The menstrual cup and GladRags were total game changers! I initially switched to reusables to minimize my waste. I didn’t realize I would feel in control of you for the first time in my life. I have a different perspective of you. I wouldn’t say we’re friends, but I’ve accepted you for who you are. Mighty, assertive, someone who will be seen, a force to be reckoned with. Powerful. I respect you.

Love,
Missy

Dear Missy,

I need to get something off my chest ... I know olive green pants are fashionable today, but 20 years ago they weren't. I did try to tell you, okay in the form of ruining your pants and humiliating you in the process. That probably didn't help our relationship, oh well. I know it hasn't felt like it, but I do have your back and always have. You just didn't understand how to work with me.

Water under the bridge now, but I am sad we missed out on decades of mutual understanding and respect. Now that you know how to manage me (they always say manage up), I trust that we can align more closely. I'm also impressed and relieved that you've found ways to reduce your waste when dealing with me. Compliments aside, I can't promise that my sporadic visits won't continue. What can I say - I still get moody and I am the epitome of self centered. But I will try as we round that final corner toward menopause (READ OUR LAST JOURNEY TOGETHER). Lets go out with a bang.

Consider this my olive branch Missy.

Your friend,

Period


 

DP#0103

Dear Period,

Why have you still not become regular? I am almost 32 years old and every month is still a guessing game. Is that nausea from PMS or is it a hint of morning sickness? Is that a cramp or a regular old back ache? This has been going on 15+ years now and I would like an answer. You seem to even out for most women? Why not me? I am tired of your surprise ruining cute panties.

Yours,
Ready to be Regular

Dear Ready,

Patience darling, as this is a long and wild ride we are on together. And this "even out" notion to mentioned...please do tell more, as I would love to know why anyone ever strives to be evened out? You see, where I come from, life is meant to be full of surprises including those categorized as shocking.

Yes, yes, today I bring a bag of symptoms of cramping, headaches, back aches (wait until you're in your forties), pregnancy thoughts, the list goes on and on. A hint...maintain ideals that there will be a day when I tire of keeping you on your toes and will "even out". Until then what do you say we take the spice level up a notch?

Love,
Period


 

DP#0114

Dear Period,

I cried over WiFi because of you. Really?

Love,
Hormone Hater

Dear Hormone Hater,

WiFi? Well done on going over the edge my friend. I like to keep you humble darling.

Love,
Period


 

DP#0143

Dear Period

I'll never forget the day I told my mom about you, or rather, the whole family.

Actually, it took three whole days after your debut for me to screw up the courage to CALL HER AT WORK to tell her of my undesired milestone. (Sadly this was pre-texting or email, back in the Dark Dark Ages, when the phone was still attached to the wall.) I sheepishly awaited her arrival home from work that afternoon, watching a Schoolhouse Rock special with my younger brother and sister (back when you only had 4 TV channels - very DARK ages). On the way home, she had picked up my older sister who was 17. A very self-absorbed, mean girl 17.

Remember Neil Diamond's cheesy ode, "Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon"? Well, my b-tch of a sista came waltzing into the TV room, singing at the top of her lungs, "Girl, You're a Woman Now". Did I mention my younger brother and sister? It was a long time before I forgave her.

So, Dear Period, I suggest you post something, anything, on your various social media platforms, imploring older sisters to be kind to their younger sisters when you first show up. If you can't say anything kind, don't say anything at all, right? And no Neil Diamond, please.

Sincerely,

Humiliated But Recovered

Dear HbR,

I remember this well, funny how my recollection is a bit different. Forgive me if I was blinded by attention back then. Your sister welcomed me with such zeal, a ceremonial chant initiating us into the tribe of bleeders. Who wouldn’t be bedazzled? Perhaps it was too soon for you, but I loved it - every s-I-n-g-l-e second of it.

It’s probably for the best that we haven’t talked about this until now. I agree that older sisters should be kind and share tricks of the “cycle”, let’s spread that word together! In the meantime if you haven’t already, please forgive your sister.

Love,

Your Period


 

DP#0156

Dear Period,

I'm 48 years old, and you're reliable like clock. There isn't going to be any upcoming resident in my uterus, so it's okay to retire. Really! I'll be okay.

Why wont you retire????
Thank you for your kind consideration.

Anonymous

Dear Early Retirement,

Not so fast my dear, you’re not the boss of me. I’ll retire when I’m ready. I have to say I’m a bit disappointed, I thought we had a good thing going? You haven’t experienced me angry, let’s keep it that way, shall we? So no more of your silly early retirement demands, deal?

Love,
Period


 

Work Related

Work Related

DP #0010

Dear Period,

When I have a presentation to conduct at work, and I feel your lovely presence "arrive" early, I'm quite certain that my co-workers, although mostly men, must find my facial expressions rather extraordinary.

You suck,

B. E.

Dear B.E.,

Honey if you honestly think I give a rats ass about your little work presentation you are more incompetent than ever before. 

Get a grip,

Period


 

DP #0012

Dear Period,

Thank you for making me an emotional wreck while at work...PSYCH.  Just cried under my desk in my office for very limited reasons, one of which was definitely related to chocolate.  UGH.  I hate you for reinforcing gender stereotypes.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

How dare you attempt to place your chocolate desire blame on me.  Besides, crying under your desk is just my bloody way of showing you that you really should just leave work early today.

Smooches,

Period


 

DP #0018

Dear Period,

Can you please chill out on the heavy flow, yo? I'm afraid my co-workers think I have the shits today. There are offices on all sides of the bathroom and I am getting funny looks every time I walk in the door... which is seriously every 23.5 minutes.

Sincerely,

Wishing for a Michelob Ultra Flow

Dear Wishing for a Michelob Ultra Flow,

Keep on wishing my dear.  Don't you know there is power in making people wonder.  And trust me, people are wondering what the hell you're doing in that bathroom.  This is a powerful gift, and it is my gift to you.

I'll toast to that!

Love,

Period


 

DP#0027

Dear Period,

When I'm at work chatting with some lady friends and an annoying dude comes by and asks what we're talking about - I say "Our periods" and they always take off. I still hate you period but thank you for that. You're not a total bitch.

Dear Chatty,

I'm glad you've seen the light.  There will be a day that you find yourself reminiscing about me with your lady friends, and there will be a fondness in your voice.  I sense your love and hate, but just know this Chatty, you can use me to your advantage. 

Kisses,

Period