I was afraid that you wouldn't show up this month. I started to listen to every pain and twinge in my body over the past week, hoping it was just you getting ready to show up. I was convinced that you weren't going to visit this month. That you would turn into something that I really don't want to deal with again. I really miss you when you don't turn up.
I lay in bed last night, slowly awoken by the familiar cramps in my back and abdomen. "No...it couldn't be... there's no way that's you? Please, please, please, for the love of f*%k that better be you down there..." I put my hands between my legs and even in the darkness I can see that my fingers returned darker. "You're here!" My shoulders feel like jelly, the tension melts away. You beautiful dark merlot! My darling, I was so excited to see you. I really miss you when you don't turn up.
You're a demanding visitor, especially when you arrive unannounced. You're just like me, you've gotten more demanding as the years have gone by. I am going to shower you with affection tonight. We're going to eat the sweet Belgian chocolate and catch up with our partner-in-crime, the hot water bottle. I love you, and I really miss you when you don't stop by.
Dear Fellow Red Wine Lover,
Fear: the motion that puts your legs in motion honey. Apologies for taking my time this month. Oh, and cut out the frightful head games darling...they are an ineffective use of your time.
Speaking of wine, I might be more like a nice Malbec don't you think...plump, dark with a smoky finish. With that liking to be a little dark and smoky, a disappearing act every now and then is my signal to you that I needed some "me" time. You may call it demanding, I call it righteous.
See you sometime next month schnookems,
A few choice stories from The Stash
8th grade graduation party, we were all outside celebrating and C.W. and I decided to climb the fence of the neighboring park district pool, and jump in fully clothed. The entire class promptly followed us. While sitting in a room waiting for our punishment I got my period in soaking wet white shorts.
Dear Still Embarrassed,
I think you should be grateful. This is a life lesson ... don't wear white shorts. Everyone who wears white shorts should be punished.
Your Period Fashionista
Thank you for making me the woman I am today. I hate you. I appreciate the bigger boobs. Eat that sandwich!
You are oh so welcome for the bigger boobs shuga. Here to help monthly until the day I die.
Ha, ha, ha
That post stress that you are providing the last two nights that consist of sweating in bed while my mind debates "hmmm maybe I should've worn a pad" or better yet "maybe it isn't over" is simply just wrong. Maybe I should follow in the footsteps of a new leader and just deny?
Cleavage and elbow sweat
As in all long term relationships, you should realize that stress is part of the game. However, I never thought you would be so low as to compare the dynamics of our relationship to the new president. That's just dirty...I may retaliate next month, just sayin'